That which animated her

Today I was present at a death, or more correctly - present in the moment when "that which animated her" left the body.

Here is the story:

A few days ago I noticed one of the blue hens was not doing so well. She is a daughter of a Sicilian Buttercup, the sweetest chickens. I did a few things to diagnose and help her, but last night, she was too weak to get up on the roost, though she made it to the coop alright. I helped her, but later found she had been pushed back to the ground. I put her back into the safe "hospital" space, where she settled nicely, like the night before. Earlier I even went back to the house for a few choice bits she was interested in eating. I picked another hen friend to spend the night next to her again.

This morning she was half sitting, half lying on the other side of the only 3 inches of the ground roost. She was weak, opened here eyes to look at me a few times, I gently touched her, made a few sounds, told her I loved her, she even recognized the food bits I showed her, but it was clear, her time of eating any however tempting looking food, was over. Mostly she closed her eyes for longer and longer times. She seemed in a comfortable position, so I let her be.

I found things to do around the coops, some chores had to be done away from it. She was safe but surrounded by the usual chicken sounds of her family. Her breathing, whenever I checked, was even and nonlabored.  Not once was there a gasping, no spasms,  - no  outward sign of any distress.

Checking whenever I passed by the space she was in, her breathing was even.
Around lunchtime, I knew I had to go to the house for a bit ...she must be close I thought, and so I stood looking at her and telling her about her life as a little chick, that she got to be under the wings of a mama hen, grow up with little chick siblings, the got to pick and scratch and be out foraging with the flock. She laid eggs, She was beautiful....and I told her, and: you were loved. ...Then I thought ...wait a minute...she is still here, breathing ...and changed it to: You ARE loved.

Then I closed my eyes and softly chanted a sacred chant I had been taught by a shaman over 2 decades ago. I was turning her over to the spirit guides....then, eyes closed, I saw something white, as if smoke -  only it was not smoke but white moving slightly twisting gently coming from her body, or where the body would be if I opened my eyes and looked. This white became a huge chicken shape, hard to say with eyes closed...but maybe 3-4 feet tall? facing me, head slightly cocked, a well demarcated shape of a white so clean and pure and flawless, without any blemish, that I have ever seen. It did not seem to radiate, looked solid but was not...it was very very still, just there, a kind of a light only it was not any light I had ever seen.

The communication was - hey, it's me, I AM HERE. ....stillness, just looking....then:
this is what animated her (this meaning the white shape from which the communication seemed to come) and with that communication there was as if an ethereal glance towards the body. It was one of knowing,  of connection, of care, of saying don't violate it, honor it.

There was no thank you for this wonderful life, no sense of relief to be "free" or anything like that...only this - I'm here, it's me, - that which animated her, calm, serene, indescribability serene  and still, not dead, just still and here. ..a vague sense of kindness, or understand/wisdom/knowing ..but not the human sense and barely perceivable.

Then ..with my "looking" with eyes closed at the pure perfect white chicken shape standing here facing me - it began to seemingly dissolve with movements similar to smoke moving...into a background of moving white light ...something I could not see past.

When this started to happen ..."I" started thinking ...if this just happened, she is gone, no longer breathing, and I wondered ...and I opened my eyes ... she was no longer breathing. I looked and looked and something in me seemed to be perceving some micromovements, but no breathing. Beak still closed, eyes closed, no spasm or anything. Just like that...like I saw it, or rather, how it appeared for me,  that which animated her had left her, and gone back ..just like like that ...

I left her body there, surrounded by the sounds she knew, for a few hours, before burying her beautiful body where it will be transformed into part of the chicken garden and it's trees.

It was interesting how I felt at the same time less involved, less sorrow when holding and looking at the body, while at the same time more honoring of it than any other chickens I buried before.

I had seen that which had animated her ...and whether still connected on some level ...that had gone elsewhere.

Her matrix, her blueprint, not a chicken blueprint, it was HERs, it was  animating this one....and it went back where ...I didn't follow it.

A white like I have never seen
her perfect chicken shape
no flaw

... had gone, at the same time being  connected to what it manifested as dissolving without any sense of attachment. - selbstverstaendlich - is a German word that comes to mind, a words for which I know no translation.

So, that was "just" a chicken.

I always do orb "runs" for them, always ask the guides for the best possible outcome.

...and I wonder if all chickens, no matter how they lived, animals in general, have that which animates them leave their bodies with such equanimity, this feeling or sense I don't really have words for.

...and just now I wonder: how do we eat something like that - something this sacred, and if this one is so, they all are, it all is sacred. ...and why does it blow me apart in this seemingly sentimental fashion? ....

Life Lessons & Training. 

but then, regarding the eating of them ...there is such understanding from their side...there is nothing to worry about.

Consciousness and higher intelligence in fish

Hm fish - consciousness in fish? Intelligence? Sentience? ...they are "just" fish I can hear the people say.

Of course there is the inborn, instinctual survive and reproduce kind of intelligence any life form seems to possess. What constitutes life is still in hot debate, especially now that computers are being developed who are more and more human like. But that is another topic.

Here is the observation  I made a few weeks ago in the fish tank I take care of: One of the fish had a lesion on one of his scales, or better, it seems the scale had come off and an infection was trying to set in. I upped the frequency of the water changes...it got better, then worse. It is a huge tank with a bio-filter, to treating with an antibiotic is not really easy. However, like I had done before, I made fish food disks soaked in antibiotics. So I timed the throwing of it  with the fish position and movement, and YEAH ...he ate it ....

and then SPAT IT OUT ....

I was like ...WHAT? Did he just do that?

For some reason, call it human arrogance or ignorance ...it just never occurred to be they would taste the difference and then decide to, or rather - reflexively - spit out  food.

My estimation of fish and reptile intelligence jumped ...and it - as a resulting side effect - caused me even more uneasiness bordering on pain now than before to see images of fishing - for human fun and relaxation especially. What about the fish? Your idea of relaxation is hurting fish?

So today I came across this article and very short video on fish inter-species cooperation. It just confirms something about fish - and since I just recalled it, there is a video of Valerie Taylor and the Moray eel she used to visit. I'll look for it too (embedded below) - mind-blowing. BTW, don't just try that yourself with those eels - they can and will bite you.

.... and while I am at it, here is a short story of someone who had an encounter with a fly :)

"So I had this annoying big fly bothering me while I was working on the computer yesterday afternoon. One of those that never land, just loud buzzing. I wasn't successful in hitting it. So I said to the fly, if you would just land and let me catch you I will not kill you but set you free. No kidding, it landed and let me pick it up and return it outdoors. Love when that happens." - Karen R.


The quantum world works in as yet mysterious ways. It really is all alive and conscious and don't for a moment think it does not include plants, rocks, single cells or macro-dimensional celestial bodies. Is there a hierarchy of some kind, sure, those fish sure can't make a video or write a blog, and they most likely won't be doing any "Work on Self" ...on the other hand ...you could not survive at all where they live either - only humans are able to build things in which they could. And in Buddhism, animal births are usually considered lower births ...which is not to say that higher beings cannot be born as an animal ...if that would serve the transformation of certain souls/beings.

It is all - LIFE - the incarnation and expression of the great Being
The shiva and shakti.

Spooky action at a distance and the law of attraction begin to make sense in the quantum world.

Can transformation happen through more and more intimate exploration of  and attention on the natural world? ...You bet. Here is a link if you have not read read about a rooster, "Blacky" and a point he drove home for me in a way like never before.

Anyway, here is the article about the fish inter-species cooperation - that page will take you off this website

Fish as good as chimpanzees at choosing the best partner for a task

Here is Valery Taylor's story with the eel

Sometimes I get a hint of this: Life exists and does what it does for the Absolute to FEEL - or - Life/creation is the vehicle of big heart - and then there is consciousness and big mind.

In the end, what is it that matters while we are here? incarnate on earth?

Conscious embodiment - creation life love

In a certain kind of a way - there is no real live unless we embody the divine.
you may say: but it's all embodiment of the divine - hm...it's all maya UNTIL it is brought to real life by conscious embodiment - of "it" "G-D", "Being" the Premordial Conscious Nothingness.

And walking through self, feeling love for "IT", full of love for it, perceiving oneself non separate from it, yet "other" - walking through many realities and situations all at once as if in a dream - and yet, at the central core of it - there isn't anything there - except "IT" - emptiness

....what to say - such moments are difficult to describe

and in a certain kind of a way - there is nothing else to do but to love and find ways to express love for this being, for god, which is non separate from anything and everything you see, hear, touch, sense, feel, intuit, image...

there really is only one thing to do

love love love

this does not imply to have to act stupidly ^^

Considerations on Beauty, Aesthetic and Level of Consciousness - and some questions

A saying by a Buddhist teacher, transmitted through Ken Wilber goes:
"The way you treat your environment is the way you treat your mind."
Not quite the same, this has also been said: if your environment is messy, so is your mind.

I really admire, adore, would like to live in a space that reflects clarity and aesthetics - and then there is: a ratio of work to do and stuff to store and organize/to available space, time and energy in which to accomplish this. As with all things, there is keeping with appropriateness to time, place and people.

I would like to recount a  little episode, or a mental vignette for you if you will, that was brought to my attention the other day. Before I do this, here  are a couple of background considerations on beauty and the desire or impulse to be beautiful, pleasing in appearance and also have your surroundings be like that. The question here is: what is the motive for being beautiful and/or keeping your space aesthetic and clean? Here is how I understood the places this desire and associated actions can come from if one uses a simple 3 level scheme.

- You do yourself up to be as beautiful as you can be just for your own narcissistic need -  whether you are actually saying that or not - this is egocentric motivation.

- You do yourself up for a relationship, your lover, friend, family, your tribe - this is called ethnocentric in it's motivation.

- You are being beautiful as a gift and the pleasure it brings to everyone around you - all sentient beings.
Aesthetic and harmony, being that which is pleasing, are part of your life and expression of being. Everything that is arising is part of the perfect manifestation of the great perfection. It's just not yourself, it also is your environment. Here  beauty and aesthetic is an alignment. All you are doing  -  is honoring the beauty of the great perfection. Objects that are arising that are around you are ornaments of that perfection. A simple aesthetic, balanced and harmonious,  is  an indication of alignment with a certain purity.

So then:

A small group was gathered in a fairly large space for a previously scheduled 45 minute special type of movement energetics class. It is a new class being worked out. Things are going well.

Then someone not part of the class,  with great intent of making a proprietary part of this workspace clean, starts vacuuming in another part of the space - with increases dust, but mostly is very loud, making it somewhat difficult to hear the instructor. This goes on off and on the rest of the class. Generally the cleaner desires and is able to maintain a fairly aesthetic looking space.

So here are few  questions:

1- In light of above considerations of motivation - in which of those 3 levels  was the motivation likely centered for the cleaning action at that time?

2- In general, can, in the same act, be the motivation double, ie: egocentric as well as be aligned with the higher, balanced, perfect aesthetic?

3- Where does this leave a messy creative chaos?

4- Are we back to: beauty is in the eye of the beholder - or is there something objective about real beauty?
(See my previous post)

5- Is (or was, not sure if same is true of the younger generation)  Japanese cultural plus enforced by necessity order in cramped quarters out of a sheer lack of space an expression of higher level of consciousness?

6- Is a degree of messiness and disorderliness out of sheer lack of manpower and energy to get all the work done as well as simultaneously maintaining a high level of certain aesthetic space  reflective of a lower level of consciousness?

I have not read all that much about these things, ....just wondering.

One of the things I am juggling at the moment is: how to get all the work done as well as establish and be able to maintain an aesthetically pleasing workspace. Sheer time and space constraints seem to say: impossible.
It could  be that  energy for more  work gets liberated having handled a certain degree of "inevitable"  messiness.

7- If maintaining a highly aesthetic space and personal appearance out of any motivation comes at a cost to others in the same group and their work, how can it be justified? Can it be justified?

So much for now.
Given the general Gestalt of what is happening - answers will manifest themselves.

In closing for this post, here is something I heard today in regards to our planetary condition and all the investigations into consciousness:

"This is the time to DO consciousness....".

 The Blessing Well

Spiritual business - a speculation without a speculum -

This is a speculation with a caveat: I got no speculum...so..

(that was a bit of a joke, in case you're Canadian or German)

I have been following the postings of integraleric. He's on facebook, youtube and blogger and has a website or 2 and a few webpages. Not having a straight up link here is intentional.

He's got a plan - and he's good, and I love his stuff. The focus is on neuroscience and consciousness and he gives you lots of references. Images are great, website totally cool, the info rocks...I love it. He's in the "Integral" camp, working with the best and I suppose they  (think they) figured out what works - as there is a definite style and methodology they seem to  follow - and from all I can tell - it works.

I am grateful for the info, images, words and so on, and whether intended or not as such, it serves a purpose - one of education and making accessible something  for anyone who is interested - but especially those scientifically trained folks. And it's been very methodical. Recently, something else got added - a new and newly developed product  ....  yes, 

 - he is also selling something. For real cash.

It's genial, brilliant - it seems there is a definite target audience - those trained scientifically and possible most resistant to the "metaphysical humbug" hype, possibly lacking certain spiritual experiences personally experienced. Here however they can see: it is being proven more on more - all those stories and miracles - have a scientific correlate. - which opens a door and a huge market of reasonably affluent and possibly influential   folks for the kind of product Eric is selling.

Brilliant and beautifully executed.

Serving, educating, doing what he loves and possibly making a great living from it....(remember, I don't have a speculum :) - that's great.

For all I know and wish,  may all good things flow to you - keep doing the work....I for my part am grateful. Hopefully riches and power won't corrupt. From where I'm at, from a certain point on, all one can lawfully be -  is a conduit...

What kind of blog is this anyway?

Exactly, what kind of blog is this?

For a while now I have been wondering what to do with this blog. Admittedly, there was considerable confusion at the time of creating about google accounts, blogs and posts, and so I ended up with more than I realized. To make things worse, at the time I was not aware of things like keywords, methods of search engines and best ways to name your blog so it might be found.

It's pretty clear that "Beaconwork" has a unique focus. "Who is E.J. Gold" is a stand alone blog for some time to come. "Bardotraining" is a more complicated matter as I also have a website and everything can be used as Bardo Training.

But then I also have: Dokgoth - speaking in quotes - I like that blog a lot. And a couple of others, hidden from view atm.....geez, I could just keep writing all day if I had no other obligations...so enough already. Part of the problem is that I have too wide a focus, or, am not focused on a defined area. If developing a conscious life is a focus, then EVERYTHING, and every activity qualifies. Deep breath - so there.

So this might become the: "what comes to mind that can be considered funny, useful or contributory to growth and development of greater awareness that does not clearly fit into the other blogs I presently already have" kind of blog :)

Themes like: "Lessons learned in the garden" - or "Things I realized gardening". Or "The new energies on earth", or "Healing and realizing self", "What therapies can do for you", or "Death and taxes and other certain things in life", or "reading for the recently deceased", or "what is real help", or "why dance", or "how to learn Photoshop without a book or someone to show you anything?"....and so on...could all be blogs of their own, but I can't manage any more blogs!!!!!!!!!! Or, to own it: I don't WANT any more blogs at this time.

And then there is a question: Why do we blog at all? Why do so many people blog? Why do I blog?