Do you trust "IT"

when down by the coops, i kept wondering and thinking about a facebook interaction.


Do you trust God"s guidance? by Isabelle Tierney
In order to surrender to God, it helps to trust that this will created the highest outcome in our life.
Do you trust Spirit's guidance for you?
If yes, please share why.
If no, please share why.

I used to say: do you trust in Being....but my reply was:
i don't call it god, but i trust it
What do you call it
don't actually ....like i recently got 'the call" or another one...and it just comes, i listen and do what is needed/asked for something like that....
I like that answer. As I create content for my course on "how to listen to "?", I am filled with curiosity on how to use words to convey the unspeakable.
i was just wondering about the naming thing...and...ii am unable to name it...whatever name i came up with, was limiting "it"
divine guidance? or maybe just guidance...but...not from a person or program...so how to convey the other kind ...?
You just journeyed into my mind and heart ! How to convey the unconveyable.   
exactly    


when we say -  do you trust the great spirit, the spirit that moves through all things, God, Allah, Being, the Absolute...it often comes with some cultural interpretation and limitation, too  much for some. any language will be limiting, and I like spirit/universe, but then what i came up with was this:

i trust in what IS ...the big ISNESS of all that is...

it moves, it knows and when there is, in humans, momentary or longer...non resistance to movement (and it is not meant as physical movement) - non-resistance to IT's presence, when there is openness, willingness, then IT moves you...you really just are a being moved, as in taking appropriate right action, only at that moment there is no you. it is amazing how effortless it is, how there are no egoic considerations, how peaceful, how things just fall into place, there is energy and joy...but none of those terms feel as they used to.

even if that which '"i" ended up doing may later be looked at by myself as ...oh, that is so little, not much, too ineffective blah blah blah, when it moves through you...it is not so much guidance of a you, it is being you. and it knows all and flows in the way it needs to be flowed through you - and we like to think of it as for the benefit of it/all.

it is beautiful

it moves through all things and most creatures. it is the "conscious" creatures where potentially that flow gets twarted and stuck. this is where the free will also comes in, (though some schools say there really is no such thing as free will). the beauty of it is that those creatures appear to be able to  work to open themselves, allow the flow in a conscious willingness,  to give up  the little me but allow "IT" to flow and express and move as you. maybe "IT" is just having fun going through all the various awakenings to find itself again, to experience those times when the ego releases and there is freedom - home while incarnate - something like that.

and maybe, it is simply another level,  part of the human potential, this other flow and ease level. after all, the functions of most the DNA are not understood.

c.

Distance Energy Healing

Distance Energy Healing - Announcement

Where I work, a lot has been said recently about healing and alternative healing centers. Healing - or, as it were - becoming whole -  appears to be much needed on this earth these days.

However, even though trained in energy healing, it was not until this past Sunday, 3 days ago, that  I - or something in me -  got (or heard) the call. It happened in the kitchen during the preparation of lunch.

It was all laid out in front of my mind's eyes. When something like that comes through, there is not much of a choice for me but to act on it, take appropriate steps and then see if it is supported, wanted and possible. (If not, I'm off the kook, so to speak :)

As it is, there will be a live event added to gorebaggtv on lifestream:

Healer Woman - Carved Sandstone

Distance Energy Healing - online via gorebaggtv
on this page - https://livestream.com/gorebaggtv
Distance Energy Work and Healing Space with Dok and Higher Vibrational Energy Beings. All are welcome. To indicate your openness for energy work: sign in, type OCD or speak YES in your own space.

This event is online/ distance only - not onsite or hands-on

Date: Fridays - starting with orientation June 2.

Time: 10:30 am - 11:30 am pacific

What you can do to prepare for the times/space includes:

• create a space where you can be either lying down or sitting comfortably
• maybe have a mat or blanket to lie down on, pillows for knees etc., cover in case you get cool.
• if you have a superbeacon, sit with it for a few minutes beforehand
• have any meaningful images or altar  objects set up in the space if you wish. (this could be angelic, Mother Mary, gods and goddesses, spirit guides, teachers, gemstones, photos etc)
• smudge the room if you can and appropriate where you live.
• invoke or call on your higher self or higher vibrational  beings to aid or work on you.
• cultivate an attitude or willingness for change and towards wholeness, a willingness to let go of old patterns
• if possible, turn your phone on vibrate and leave it elsewhere

The above mentioned measures are recommended but not mandatory or necessary. You may add your own.  However, it is important that you will be physically as comfortable as possible.
Also here is an important point to consider: this is a shared space. Whatever care you bring to your personal space, will influence the entire field. So when setting up your space, it contributes to everyone's space...we are all in the same healing space. There may be times when you don't have any extra energy to set up anything, and that is ok too, so no worries, it is good to know however that you are not only doing it for yourself when you bring care and attention to your own space.

How the sessions go:

The first few minutes of the hour will be used to settle in, check mic volume (hoping for feedback from the online folks) and do some relaxation exercises.

Then the camera will be turned to an image or object or the fish tank in the space where I will be working.

Art by Josephine Winsor

and the music will start - and play for about 35 minutes -  the energy work happens during that time.

The entire session will be higher energy and higher being guided.
If you were to watch me, you could see mostly hand movements. I will be moving, and removing energy blockages, balancing energy fields via energy streaming through the body and hands. Energy movements can also happen through  invoked higher vibrational entities and angelic presences.

Your attendance constitutes an agreement to receive energy work through higher energies and entities.

IF you do not wish any change or effect, please do not remain in the space!


There is no charge for the energy work. There is also no guarantee you will be "chosen" -  maybe simply being in the healing field is what is called for that day.

The energy work can address all levels of the energy field.

As the higher levels get cleared, physical healing can follow. You might have heard that spirit is senior to matter...if only we truly believed that.

Attending the Distance Energy Healing Event constitutes asking for help. It would be unlawful for me to "help" anyone who has not asked for it. This means, if  you are in the space, you agree and have asked to be "worked on" or helped by higher vibrational energies and entities. Sometimes you can feel those, (for example tingling, pressure, discomfort, flashes of lifetime memories, warmth in various areas of your body) sometimes you won't. If you don't feel anything, it does not mean there was no energy work. While my perception allows to see shapes and shade of energy and light-forms, I will deliberately not be seeing any "persons" per se.

Part of the energy work might in fact involve the invoking of higher entities to work.
There is 100 percent trust that no energy work will happen  the effects of which cannot be handled by the recipient.
In a way, it is similar to the healing circles already happening in the prosperity ashram, or LRS healing readings or prayers, just different.

Quantum Angel

After the music stops, please be gentle with yourself. There will be some time to close. Give yourself at least a few minutes or longer, as long as you need, before getting up. After getting up, drinking a glass of water would be a good idea. Driving might not be a good idea right away.
Keeping a diary over the week noting effects can also be very helpful.
There is a prosperity path forum where you can share experiences. At this time, there is no plan to create a group, but,  depending on how things go, there might be one in the future if the need arises.
Also remember: you can help your body re-adjust towards healing/wholeness simply by not ingesting any crappy, pesticide containing fake "foods" or beverages.

What makes me think I can do this. 
First off, anyone fundamentally and basically can transmit energy deliberately. It requires intention,  being clear and willingness. We Westerners, or maybe people in general, are just not taught about this - but as many mothers will know, placing her hands on an "owie" of a little one can just take the pain away. Intuitively, we still know.

There are some "credentials" however that I will list here
20 years in the medical field working as a pediatrician and in the NICU (neonatal intensive care unit).
Graduate of the 4 year Barbara Brennan School of Healing (2000)
Graduate of the 2 year Hakomi training.(2003)
2 years of maintaining a healing practice before moving to California.

There were other influences of course, one was the methods taught by Tom Brown Jr.  in  the philosophy classes.
I won't mention other, parallel lifetimes, but ok,  I did meet one of my healer shaman selves during one of the PUP levels in Beacon Training level 1

Drawing of the world of a shaman healer, jungle like on the outside, but replete with teleport and a "hut" where healings happened. They travel in transparent gliding spheres, not shown.

Why am I offering this now: because I got the call 3 days ago, May 28, 2017. It is a matter of service and I would not have gotten the call if I were not able to do it. So I got the music, gave it to Oz, our sound engineer who agreed to put it together, talked to my teacher who supports it ("thought you should be doing this all along") oh well. The world seems to need it. We'll see what happens.

Can you tell others about this? - yes you may...as long as they understand the above point of attending: as asking for help. In fact, is there any part of the world where more wholed-healed individuals and environments would not be beneficial?

It would be good if everyone participating would read the info on this page.
You remain, at all times, responsible for yourself. The distance energy work and the healing spaces in which you participate in - is to support your health and well being on the path you are on, providing a space for healing on many levels. Hopefully, this will eventually reverberate to any living creatures wherever you are going. Please note that "I" am not doing any healing. I agreed to be a vessel through which energy can flow - as guided by higher self/forces. If your Self gives permission for energy to flow through blockages and stuck energy structures, things  can start moving in ways they did not before.

Many blessings on your path, may you walk with ease and grace

Christiane aka Dok

Such a peaceful way to go in a real Sim

Lately I find myself  - strangely content. It is an interesting state - as there really is nothing to do or nowhere to go, yet I find myself doing what I am doing etc.

In any case - that is basically so.

This evening I also am happy to hear someone else seems to be happy in the marriage she went into. There might have been some rocky phases, but, adjustments appear to have happened and things are going well, so the news are. This is good.

And I am wondering what it must be like to love and be loved like that - and live a life that is like that. Being nothing like that kind of attractive woman, in fact, not at all, or wanting to do what she does - the chances of that experience are slim, to say the least. My mission might be very different, anyway, all is well.

4 1/2 days still to go.

The other day, one of my first flock hens died, Faye. She was five. She was a mama once. She got sick almost 2 years ago but then was well till a couple of months ago, when it caught up with her. This time, I was ready for her to go.

She still went out with the flock that morning, the day she died, moving slowly, pecking at the food bucket contents. Some time in the afternoon, she was ready to go "in". The last 2 days I had lifted her in and out of the brooder box, which she chose to be in. After all, that is where she was as a baby chick when she got here. That afternoon, when I lifted her into the brooder box, she went to the back, didn't eat or drink, only to later sit in a way that would be facing me. And she just stayed there, sitting perfectly balanced, head centered and appearing comfortable. That late afternoon,  I spent some timeless time sitting with her as she sat there -  in and with the dying process. She seemed so inner focused, so "collected" for lack of a better word. Once she opened her eyes. Sometimes a slight trembling of the wings. The breathing already was changing, deep and regular, then shallow as if not breathing. The peace and silence of that space...in the midst of the rest of the world, the sounds familiar to her, was amazing. Such a beautiful peaceful way to go.  Days before, when she still had been up on a roost, I had drained some fluid again from her abdomen as she appeared to have some slight trouble breathing. It helped, she didn't have any sign of breathing trouble again. I don't know if at any time she was in pain.

So - knowing how she left this world, no 'humane" killing seems a better choice to me. This reminds me of my 80 year old aunt, who died a couple of years ago of cancer (colon, surgery, chemo, chemo..later metastases in the lung). She got weaker and weaker, had to be helped, go so weak and thin, never any pain at all. And that is what I think can happen to birds too. Just like that. You make adjustments to help them, make sure they are safe...but killing them is an excuse in that case...it is for our selves, not their benefit.

There were others, each case is different. But this one went beautifully as far as I can tell. And I thanked and thanked the guides and universe for it.
Death by predator is not better than this, at least, it does not appear to me that it is preferable, from what I have seen and found.

Thinking of all this world as a SIM. Well, that is another story. Her animation slowed and then stopped. Spirit withdrawing the animation force....but then, it might have been written like that from the start. The spirit that moves through all things....what about dead "things"?

But does it really matter if it is a Sim or "real"?  It is a real Sim.
There is gratitude for this one.

Good morning, you can turn it off.

Have you heard the name of our current president too many times today? Well then, turn it off.

And now for a little oxymoronic bit: create a Trump-free zone :)

This is BeeBee. She walks funny, not sure she ever scratches anything any more. She has an attitude. She loves to sit on my lap. She is much slower than most others to get any of the treat bits. She has black with iridescent greens and blue, incredibly soft feathers. She sometimes breaks up hen fights :)

Some folks were or are all still into it, and the big changes and cleaning the swamp thing. Here is my take on it: if the people, the children, the animals and plants and water and air are worse off because of whatever it is he and this administration do, then fuck it, no way, will not have my vote. And just in case you wonder: no, if the environment and other life forms on earth are worse off because of him, I do not think, believe or accept that humans even CAN be better off. That is where I stand. I admit, humans in my mind don't have an inherently higher moral claim to anything on this earth. Using something respectfully, ok, abusing it...no. All the human creativity in the world will never justify for me its existence if it is based on abuse. And yes, this does include knowing where your resources come from. This can be tricky in our world. Beauty and culture based on abuse and slavery - no thank you. One can live with differences in temperament, ability and interest without abusing anything...well, were I am coming from anyway. This is one reason to be here, learning about societies that are so very very different and violent.
Maybe he is playing some role that I suppose is needed to wake some of the rest of us up.....

However, I didn't like the circus in Rome, and I don't like today's any better, meaning, not at all, don't care for it. I know it is there, and it is a big deal for many, I have explored it a number of times myself....it is ...nvm.

Anyway, there you are.

All phenomena is illusion, neither attracted nor repelled, not making any sudden moves, my habits will carry me through. (that is from the ABD - in case some straggler stumbles across this post. The American Book of the Dead is available on amazon in case you want to read some stuff about it)

Things of today, her last day

On the verge of tears, but there is no crying...till now.
The mystery of life - and death ...larger than a human mind can grasp. A tsunami of everything, and yet, it is simply just this.
On the way up from the garden there were thoughts like: maybe there is reincarnation, maybe not. however, for this one, this body-mind...it is only this....that is as  it appears to be anyhow, for this one...one life is what she got - no matter how many parallel worlds there might be...in THIS one...someday it too will end.

Loving and being kind is really really the most important. ...even as so many times I fall short...pretty much all the time. ...in some way yearning for something I shall never have. I know it is there - somewhere.... it exists

May I be kind to myself then. may you be kind and gentle with yourself.

So here are a  couple of pics of today

.
Free now.....wherever one goes,  where ever you went...I did the best I could - with you or any of your flock mates. good lessons.

...and then there are the feral kitties - adjusted to their new home area - I have no idea where they disappear to exactly - but coming for some food. 

while my second life character is off to meditate in the oval office.

Time to relax

So maybe in the midst of not getting much done, there is a rambling of sorts about  - nothing at all.

Not knowing where I am or where to be in this time where everything seems to be all at once which renders me almost unable to do anything in the midst of projects piles up way above my head. Standing Rock and all those with that purpose, child labor and trafficking, the Russians and Chinese and the mess in Europe and the Middle East, the microbiome and genetic engineering still in infancy, and what of the oceans and animals everywhere...I could go on and on and on, including the acts of kindness and animal saving and restoration in the face of overwhelming odd against...
Black holes, and gravity and all the ancient myths and miracles and times, mushrooms and poop eating dogs, hawks eating a sweet chicken I was not able to protect, forever sitting on my lap with her soft feathers that I am stroking, forever running and trying to get away from the hawk who needed to eat, someone's dog dying likely of poison but they will never know because ...they could not afford vet care nor autopsy, so many lives everywhere and ....so many events and it is all always happening now, all of it and my mind can't grasp it

no wonder

we come back to the simple things..

the breath, this sitting here typing, this guitar playing soft sounds

There were times in my life I had direction, focus, energy, purpose.

Now it is all uncertain.

Transitioning, but no idea into what...holding on to some semblance of functionality...at least those chickens need to be cared for,  meals to be prepared.

It feels like my insides are empty as space with vast galaxies while this heart keeps beating I remember Tom Brown's teachings.

I am no genius but that does not mean I can't go insane - except there is nothing there.

There is nothing I can do, there is nothing to be done, it happens according to some unwritten code
My brother wrote today, I feel always connected to him.

Even those ideas of Love and family are no different, just part of the labyrinth through the stillness. This body needs care. This body is hurting, but then, it has been worse.

Sensing weird seeming things inside. Something inside me keeps coming back to this feeling of peace, as I am doing what I am supposed to do, all the while missing some aspects of what is called Life, and walking with horses, but I do smell the rain and taste the nectar of the Gods which as its main ingredient contains quince juice, warm quince juice with some honey and coconut bliss - nectar of the God's who would have ever guessed that this fruit was so divine. Silence and uncertainty but I am getting my paperwork together imagining that it will be less burdensome for those still here when this vessel has ceased to be inhabited by that mysterious thing we call life.
I have no painting days, but there is gardening and something to be done all year long. Maybe there need to be gardening days and images of the beauty and maybe I do need that new camera I keep thinking about, for the close-up shops, the clarity, to get better focus for one reason only: to show the beauty that surrounds us in any place, anywhere in all things.

In the end, I don't want to hurt anyone, even if part of me does, I do want to feel that kind hand on my face, grateful for the laughter and jokes and art and music in my life. there might be 2 young cat coming to live here, i wonder how that will change things.

Relaxing into it - for in truth, there is nothing else I can do that doesn't lead to more pain.
I have to get up so early tomorrow, this will need to end -  my neck and back looking forward to the evening routine on the floor. Tomorrow, which may or may not ever come for me, but still, there is food for the chickens in the feed storage this evening, and they will be eating well, thanks to help today, where is this longing coming from to just sit and breathe...feeling the universes inside the
stillness in which it is all happening.

All is blessed, all is suffering

That which animated her

Today I was present at a death, or more correctly - present in the moment when "that which animated her" left the body.

Here is the story:

A few days ago I noticed one of the blue hens was not doing so well. She is a daughter of a Sicilian Buttercup, the sweetest chickens. I did a few things to diagnose and help her, but last night, she was too weak to get up on the roost, though she made it to the coop alright. I helped her, but later found she had been pushed back to the ground. I put her back into the safe "hospital" space, where she settled nicely, like the night before. Earlier I even went back to the house for a few choice bits she was interested in eating. I picked another hen friend to spend the night next to her again.

This morning she was half sitting, half lying on the other side of the only 3 inches of the ground roost. She was weak, opened here eyes to look at me a few times, I gently touched her, made a few sounds, told her I loved her, she even recognized the food bits I showed her, but it was clear, her time of eating any however tempting looking food, was over. Mostly she closed her eyes for longer and longer times. She seemed in a comfortable position, so I let her be.

I found things to do around the coops, some chores had to be done away from it. She was safe but surrounded by the usual chicken sounds of her family. Her breathing, whenever I checked, was even and nonlabored.  Not once was there a gasping, no spasms,  - no  outward sign of any distress.

Checking whenever I passed by the space she was in, her breathing was even.
Around lunchtime, I knew I had to go to the house for a bit ...she must be close I thought, and so I stood looking at her and telling her about her life as a little chick, that she got to be under the wings of a mama hen, grow up with little chick siblings, the got to pick and scratch and be out foraging with the flock. She laid eggs, She was beautiful....and I told her, and: you were loved. ...Then I thought ...wait a minute...she is still here, breathing ...and changed it to: You ARE loved.

Then I closed my eyes and softly chanted a sacred chant I had been taught by a shaman over 2 decades ago. I was turning her over to the spirit guides....then, eyes closed, I saw something white, as if smoke -  only it was not smoke but white moving slightly twisting gently coming from her body, or where the body would be if I opened my eyes and looked. This white became a huge chicken shape, hard to say with eyes closed...but maybe 3-4 feet tall? facing me, head slightly cocked, a well demarcated shape of a white so clean and pure and flawless, without any blemish, that I have ever seen. It did not seem to radiate, looked solid but was not...it was very very still, just there, a kind of a light only it was not any light I had ever seen.

The communication was - hey, it's me, I AM HERE. ....stillness, just looking....then:
this is what animated her (this meaning the white shape from which the communication seemed to come) and with that communication there was as if an ethereal glance towards the body. It was one of knowing,  of connection, of care, of saying don't violate it, honor it.

There was no thank you for this wonderful life, no sense of relief to be "free" or anything like that...only this - I'm here, it's me, - that which animated her, calm, serene, indescribability serene  and still, not dead, just still and here. ..a vague sense of kindness, or understand/wisdom/knowing ..but not the human sense and barely perceivable.

Then ..with my "looking" with eyes closed at the pure perfect white chicken shape standing here facing me - it began to seemingly dissolve with movements similar to smoke moving...into a background of moving white light ...something I could not see past.

When this started to happen ..."I" started thinking ...if this just happened, she is gone, no longer breathing, and I wondered ...and I opened my eyes ... she was no longer breathing. I looked and looked and something in me seemed to be perceving some micromovements, but no breathing. Beak still closed, eyes closed, no spasm or anything. Just like that...like I saw it, or rather, how it appeared for me,  that which animated her had left her, and gone back ..just like like that ...

I left her body there, surrounded by the sounds she knew, for a few hours, before burying her beautiful body where it will be transformed into part of the chicken garden and it's trees.

It was interesting how I felt at the same time less involved, less sorrow when holding and looking at the body, while at the same time more honoring of it than any other chickens I buried before.

I had seen that which had animated her ...and whether still connected on some level ...that had gone elsewhere.

Her matrix, her blueprint, not a chicken blueprint, it was HERs, it was  animating this one....and it went back where ...I didn't follow it.

A white like I have never seen
her perfect chicken shape
no flaw

... had gone, at the same time being  connected to what it manifested as dissolving without any sense of attachment. - selbstverstaendlich - is a German word that comes to mind, a words for which I know no translation.

So, that was "just" a chicken.

I always do orb "runs" for them, always ask the guides for the best possible outcome.

...and I wonder if all chickens, no matter how they lived, animals in general, have that which animates them leave their bodies with such equanimity, this feeling or sense I don't really have words for.

...and just now I wonder: how do we eat something like that - something this sacred, and if this one is so, they all are, it all is sacred. ...and why does it blow me apart in this seemingly sentimental fashion? ....

Life Lessons & Training. 

but then, regarding the eating of them ...there is such understanding from their side...there is nothing to worry about.

Chickens, Love and the Fear to Die

It was a rainy day, mostly, and staying in the coop this morning,  I noticed one of the chickens just standing around not looking well. She is a sweet one, acted well just a couple of days ago. And so it got triggered again - as it does every time, no matter what the emotional starting point is on the spectrum I go through: this looking at the inevitability of death, feeling the loss of THAT one,  - and then to: having someday to leave this earth, this game, this reality, just having to leave, and leaving everything and everyone behind ....going to - what? No matter what anyone tells you or what your belief system is, you don't ACTUALLY know, do you?

None of the "exercises" I have done have the same effect.

I never used to feel fear thinking of death or dying or being dead. These days I feel it, as my mother is turning 80, as more people close to my generation die every day, as I studied the ABD more - but when a chicken is looking unwell, when there is a prospect or perception of them suffering - "it" gets triggered ... and some deep deep strange sorrow, longing, remorse, ....followed by gratitude and ...ultimately, renewed resolve to LOVE ...it is a certain type of heaven and hell ...and at this point I am unsure what the fluck if going on with that.

Looking at death and dying personally - it makes so much sense why having children and a loving family or partner might be so comforting, so soothing when facing death. Something of you survives. If you don't have family, what will remain of your being here? Anything you did or thought or felt? What IS the actual effect you had on this world?

And then, walking up the driveway from the chicken yard - dear god, I wish I had been able to be kinder, not cause anyone any pain, ease suffering. No matter that you did the best you can, understood, you know you caused pain - I know I have.

But even with children and grandchildren ...when the sun goes nova and the earth ceases to exists - it'll all be gone.

In fact, will ANYTHING ever remain?

YES - I know that answer, but I cannot explain it.

For my own meaning, at this time, the closest I can get is - all that mattered is how you loved, that you loved ...it does not matter what ...

and I don't mean "loved ice cream", but that is okay too.

This love that is a deep, unexplained awe inspiring being expanding - quivering wonder,  remorseful forgiveness asking all encompassing something...

and gratitude - such gratitude, for having another day, this moment .....

and so this chicken - may or may not get better which the treatment I am giving it. I don't actually know how chickens feel their own bodies, illness and impending death. All I want is for them not to suffer, to not be in distress and maybe that is just a wish I have for myself. It helps to know, or at least think,  they have a good life here, how everyone and everything needs to die when it is their time, how there is pain and adversity in every life....and how everything dies - sometime.

I wonder then...what it is that makes an individual life well lived - when you are no Einstein, Mother Theresa, Diva or inspired outrageous artist, Alexander the Great or Archimedes type human or parent of some ...So many many many unknown lives through thousands, no, tens of thousands of years....unbelievably many and varied.

Lately there is a sense, even though I still do things, and do some of them well - ...what does it matter, life will go on without me soon enough.  There is just such a short short time we are given here. There is also ...and this is strange, SUCH a sense of insignificance that kindness, being kind and compassionate to anything living ...which it all is,  is the only thing that makes sense. Yes to joy, or fun or whatever, good job and being responsible....but without compassion to the living, without consciousness  - the LIFE - the everything that is ....it is just an overlay.

Anyway ...more than 70 chickens are living in the chicken garden - I care for them ...they will all die in the next few years ...

Dear god, Help me

And those are only the chickens I personally know. ...

There is a lesson here somewhere that has not been learned ....

Some portal not stepped through,

though at times the direction where it is headed seems obvious.

I KNOW it ...it is just beyond this "thing" ....

Then I do an orb run ... it helps

" For the animal shall not be measured by man. In a world older and more complete than ours they move finished and complete, gifted with extensions of the senses we have lost or never attained, living by voices we shall never hear. They’re not brethren; they’re not underlings; they are other nations, caught with ourselves in the net of life and time, fellow prisoners of the splendour and travail of the earth." Henry Beston, The Outermost House

From dirt to polished jewel

Tomorrow, or in any case, very soon, I will give a call to someone with whom I have not spoken in about 20 years or so for the purpose of sending some images back which will be of better use in their family than staying here. While I have no clue how it will go, I wondered nonetheless how I would explain where I am at on the path. The person was raised Roman Catholic.

Before I forget everything that came to mind, I am writing it down, well, some of it anyway.
God - or spirit or the void, the great nothingness or the creator...the great emptiness is everywhere and ...well, it just is...and everything and anything anywhere manifest is how it manifests, how it lives, no exception, no judgement, ever. There is only what is.

And within that, we, you and I included, have arisen, temporary, physically appearing sentient focal points of a particular awareness and consciousness.

Everything you do or don't do to ANYTHING or ANYONE, you have done to the whole, G*D, the divine body. There are no exceptions to that, whether you know it or not. It makes perfect sense to me that  a turning towards and recognition of "IT" delights it. Welcomed home and a feast for one who was lost. There is a weight of responsibility then in your actions and thoughts, towards self and anything you perceive outside of self...because, you have done it to G*d, self and everything.
Any kindness and compassion shown to it - soothes it.

What a journey it is, how flawed and limited one feels oneself to be....how maybe times lost, how many times unkind - with self and others.

The work is all internal.

Some do better than others - but it does not matter.

It only matters what you do and say to that big SELF and you.
Compassion arises with recognition and deeper levels of awareness, and sentience.

Reincarnation - not exactly the way I used to believe it would be....in a way, yes, but all that happens is that some"one" with a particular habit formation will manifest as form again, but not exactly you. In a way though....it is as if reconstituted, not really you, the human you know, just a similar constellation of habits and tendencies.
But this human ...this one today, here, only will be exactly as is - this one time, this once. Unique for all time - lived for G*d as a facet of G*d - never judged - piece of dirt, diamond in the rough, polished gemstone ... great experiments of Being. And yes, there is a path from the dirt to the polished jewel, yet there is no better or worse.

Anyway, just a rough sketch of where I am at with it.

Precious human incarnation?

So I built this really nice homestead which I love in Second Life. All my kid avatars loved it and the adults to do ...only it is not the kind of environment that lends itself to high fashion wear. So a couple of months ago, while noticing the attachment,  I felt that there was no longer a reason  to keep it, as the money spent there could be used to pay for chicken feed in RL :) Before relinquishing the parcel, I felt I needed to build the deep forest environment of "swamp-woman", a  parallel world self who got revealed in my the first ever Super-Beacon parallel world persona meet/greet and integrate. But in imagining the deep forest environment, I noticed something very unexpected: there was fear in my gut when I really thought and felt, when I visualized how I was gonna build it. Wasn't THAT interesting. Having felt quite connected to that persona, grateful to know her and understanding myself as well as having much more compassion for this unit here, I acknowledged the fear - and speculated that it was the fear of living in total aloneness for many many years as far as the company of humans was concerned. After all these years, and considering myself a loner and often preferring the company of animals to that of humans (with the exception of young children) - I was a bit surprised  nonetheless. With that came the realization that there is something priceless - or - as the Buddhists say "precious" - about this human incarnation.  To be more precise: the preciousness of and opportunity of conscious individuated awareness and possibility to awaken and voyage  - to traveling together in mutual recognition.
A couple of weeks later I was listening to the David Franco Show on gorebaggtv and they were reading of the chamber where a rebirth station involving a lake and white birds vs some white mansion was read - and that one would not want to choose the beautiful lake and white bird - because the teaching has not yet taken root there. The teaching - the teaching makes only sense when there is someone wanting or needing to be taught - as in other humans.

For a while now I have been in awe of  how close, principally, I am living in a chamber that is the lake and the white birds next  the mansions - more simply put - in the country where the teaching has taken hold. Buildings and people...and the work is possibly taken hold there....and then there is the chickengarden.

I love the combination ...and - I still want my own room, or my own little tiny house where I can be. Not sure how I am gonna ever make this machine do what the pond exercise is about. Often, it feels like almost constant mini-violations and I just don't have the energy to deal with it any more.

However, intending to build that deep forest environment and the reluctance to go there made it pretty clear that soemthing in me does NOT want to live like that again, or rather, in this life. It is, after all, a special kind of hell. And it is not that animals are not company. Animals feel, and do have awareness, and I conpletely agree with Anatole france: "Until you have loved an animal part of your Soul remains unawakened".

Higher Consciousness and Feeling ...after the separation out of the primordial oneness, self awareness and reintegration on a conscious level - that most animals don't have ...well, so is my current understanding. Only the human animal created tools with which to communicate like this - while others are going the path of developing intuition and psychic awareness. There is a communion, a listening and being heard that happens only with another human....and it liberates energy, which then becomes available for other things. It is almost like - until you have seen, or have been seen, by another human being, part of your soul remains unawakened. Going to live in the forest, even in Second Life, has that as a non-option. There is nothing wrong with solitude - however - part of your soul will remain unawakened if you only do that and going to live where the teaching has not taken hold is not something I choose.

Why my main avatar stopped playing Path of Exile

So today we finally killed Dominus in merciless in Path of Exile - POE - the equivalent of hell in Diablo 2, only this is merciless. There is no grand reward or anything, so mostly we have not been doing it in the various leagues (ie ladders) because it is a MERCILESS task.  However, my level 73 character - "I" - asked for it to finally be done - to finish the commitment to free this world we have been fighting to liberate - from Dominus (and so much for those who claim not to get involved in local politics haha - you are not waking up any NPCs, teaching art or growing souls - your entire life there you are getting involved in their politics - until you finish that and then go for fame and stuff, just saying).

The reason for  my character to finish the game is this - "I" want out. I no longer see the point of this one, but worse, it might be doing me harm - and yes, it might just be because I simply cannot play it well enough. I even contemplated how this might be a reflection of my earthy game atm, but in POE

1. I can't really see the graphics well (it is too f*cking much on the screen), 
2. My avatar's leveling slowed to a crawl while playing in the group, though it does a ton of damage - and I don't have the time to solo it to try to catch up....I did that for weeks, but now it is taking too too long.
3. The punishment for death is brutal if you care to level at all. - sometimes I don't care - but mostly there is some version of hate.
4. After the time change in local earth I miss part of the game because of other duties, slowing leveling from a crawl to a standstill. What is the deal with leveling?  Your character needs to gain in level to be able to handle the "level" of monsters ...and when the group starts leveling beyond you...you are more or less doomed to stay behind unless special attention and consideration is given to you.
5. and,  last, but not least ...the thing I noticed and winced about from the start - they make you kill animals in this game -  bears, wolves, chicken-rheas, monkeys, crustacens and other such creatures. The ghouls and ghosts and demons are one thing, but why them, (even though they will kill you). A long time ago I stopped doing the quest where you have to go into the den to kill the great white beast because it haunts the inhabitants in their dreams -  geeez  people  use a CQR already, but I ain't killing him any more.

So between interfering in the local politics, the killing of animals and not being willing to spend the time and money to actually get a character who can make it leveling in the higher map quests without SO SO SO much pain and punishment ....I am taking a break from it.

How can I come back? Honestly - I don't know. Will I miss it - not sure, never did get the same pog  sense in this one because so much of the resources were spent on simply surviving.  (Term POG - from Pack of Green - has become a well known term amongst those initiated in bardo safaris.)
Maybe I am just not cut out for this one. Even if I could somehow get some "reason" why it would be ethically necessary to kill the animals - I'd still rather do music or art or work on the chicken garden - so so so much work to do there.

For some of you, "playing" this game may be a welcome distraction, relaxation and time spent with friends from far away, or an entertaining challenge - not for me, for all the above, though "killing" ie handling the monster groups when you  are reasonably able to level and have an adequate avatar can indeed be fun.

Some will say - aha - looser, whimp, drop out ...whatever, maybe I really AM not capable for this game. On the other hand,  maybe give me a good reason I can understand and accept to agree to spend my earth time researching this game and getting good at it even in the higher levels - because ...I don't see it, I don't feel it. After the main game's task is finished, you end up doing "maps" and need to get  better and stronger to survive. ...for what? To have more stuff in the hideout, to get a sense of mastery - but maybe it is fun for you?

 Diablo 2 was different....at any rate, for me there was a reason to do it that was more than what seems to be happening now.  I guess it is child's play compared? - It is a beginner's game after all. ...though it totally was mind-blowing for me.

It is possible that there IS a fundamental flaw or deficiency within myself that I am not able to play video games past a certain level. - but then, so be it - why continue with Kopf an die Wand ...hit your head against a brick wall?  At some point, that becomes stupidity.
It is sad to have to finally leave the group - ya, but at this time,  not greater than the pain it was to be there. ...many months of this to finally get to that point. To think it has been 10 years of at times intense involvement (some of the best things in my life and awakening process happened online like that) in the online multiplayer bardo training - and even though it is only POE we are talking about atm - the process of change started 4 years ago already - but that is another story altogether.

I'd rather be doing stuff like this walk-in tool cabinet pictured here that I needed to keep my tools dry YAY:), or researching, as per request,  which live plants, if any, are good for a crested Gecko habitat? There are a ton of  raised beds to be made, there are so many webpages to be worked on, I need to do my CME for license, and a gazillion other things,  ....like digging a draining trench to that the second chicken coop didn't flood again ...the rain that just started pouring down...a big storm here ...I hope that trench was big enough - but I can tell you this: I am so happy my tools have a home with a roof :) - and with killing Dominus today with the help of the group, my avatar's obligation to that world is fulfilled.
Good luck guys - and I already know you are having fun.
Now if I can get myself to clean up this room I am sitting in to have some space for a guitar and amp .....:)

Do we die a solitary death - like bumble bees?

I posted a little story of a bumble bee on facebook ...and one of the comments was - "what a beautiful story. it seems all beings die a solitary death in some way."

Coming up the driveway from the garden - chicken feeding time - I realized that an entire book could be written on the subject - from differentiating what could be meant by beings, as in the spirit or soul - whose death is something entirely different - IF they ever die - too ok, by beings it was meant - all the living beings  on the planet die a solitary death in some way . As in death bodies cease to be what is generally be called alive - death has to be solitary most of the time.There is the question - was really IS a solitary death? What is DEATH and is there a process. The bumble bees go out , by themselves - but as hives go, as a hive together, though separately - to die - is that really a solitary death when the entire colony dies. If there is a death that appears to be solitary, what makes it so? So, I don't intend to write a book on the topic, but just a post on a blog that is not too long to actually be read.

Seeing the words: they all die a solitary death - there was kind of the sense,  - a hint of something ...sacred and sad about life and death -  conveyed by the bumble bee's way of dieing ...but there was also something in me that says ...while it may be true, that everyone dies a solitary death in some way, it also is not. In some other way, we as humans don't have to die a solitary death.

Here is that bumble bee story in case you hadn't read it:  i learned something about bumble bees today - each fall, all but the queens die a solitary death .....it kinda hit me...they all die a solitary death. Here is the story, kept short - Yesterday on the way to the gardens - i passed a flower with a bumble-bee on it...so late in the season ...it was seeking nourishment from it. today, cold and rainy as it was...there it still was, on the same flower...not moving, or rather barely ....so i took it inside, gave it some warmth and some sugar and honey water ...and watched it come to life...wow...and started wondering about why it was out there....and wondering if it was a queen and maybe finding a way to save it...it didn't seem to have the size i saw quoted for queens....and i learned...that each fall all bumble bees but the fertilized bumble bee queens - die a solitary death. it seemed there would be no point going against what nature intended - even though it accepted the sweet water - and so i took it with the flower and the sugar dish and put it in the green house, under some cover. i won't be checking on it - but for a moment - dear bumble bee - i did see you and there was love....there still is ....

2 examples come to mind of a non-solitary death:

• Example 1 - I recall in the book  "Grace and Grit"  by Ken Wilber, when Treya, his wife, dies of cancer ...surrounded by family, she dies consciously, in the final moments looking into Ken's eyes - and she says - find me. To me ...even though there is a part of the journey through and into death where you,  as a human go on alone ...this was not a solitary death the way I would define it - and like all the bumble bees seem to die.

• Example 2 - And then this morning I remembered something that happened when my dad died years ago. He knew he was gonna die for least 3 months, and when it was time...they called me and I took one of those emergency flights to Germany. They kept him off morphine so he would be able to realize I was there...and he did, though he could no longer speak. He died that night - I was there with him. I recalled something that Tom Brown had tried to convey: when someone dies, you can accompany them with spirit, in the spirit world, to a certain point, after wish you either also die, or have to stay behind ...when they go into the light. So I did that- stay with him to that point....and then there came that time where there was a lot of light ahead ...and my dad said something like (communicated) but what about the family - and i replied - you can go say goodbye before you go. Reconstructing events later ...that was the exact time my then 3 year old nephew sat up in bed wide awake ...crying loudly saying: Ich muss zum Opa" I gotta go see grandpa. i gotta go see grandpa ...again and again, crying...and my sister knew my dad had died.  So - was his a solitary death? I know he wanted me there, was reassured I had made it (in fact I always had the feeling he waited till I got there - for my mother's sake). I didn't know about the ABD at that time - and all I whispered into his ear were things like - remember you are love. They only gave it 20 minutes in the hospital till they wanted to do what they had to do. It was a solitary death in some way - but not in another....i was there with him.

I felt  a resonance with that bumble bee too - or rather - the solitary death. The thing for me -this human me is this: I don't have a son or daughter, or a husband or even friends that are close enough. Whose eye contact would you hold in death? So if I died in the next few days, the human in me - will likely die a solitary death in that sense, even if there were people around.  I wish for it to be peacefully and prepared no matter what, I actually wrote some things about it in the Five Wishes - but sometimes I have seen it happening sitting in the garden, solitary, peacefully (not in the wet and cold though :) surrounded by birds and trees and flowers - and while that actually corresponds to some degree to my nature, it also shows a lack of connection to humans....that would be an entire other section in the above mentioned book.

There is an inner death's door we go through alone, but up to that point, it is possible to not die a solitary death - like the bumble bees. I'll leave it there - and also that in the "in between bardos" - you can travel as a group, that contact is possible. But that is a whole other story again. Being to Being contact is possible - across time and space.

To speak with a Native American saying - paraphrased: there is no death, just changing of worlds. When going through that door, death's door,  into another world, it appears you go alone, there is something inner ...that steps through - leaving everything previously known, behind. In that sense, yes, death is solitary. 

Are there ways to prepare for it death - sure, one that comes to mind right now is the doorway exercise.

OH DEAR GOD ....i could not remember what book it was in...so i did a search  online...and there it is...omg, "doorways" it is even printed as a sample from the book: Practical work on Self right there... it musta meant to go on this page. wow...i didn't know

it is right there for you

A Chapter From The Book

Practical Work on Self

by E.J. Gold

Doorways

 

:)

Consciousness and higher intelligence in fish

Hm fish - consciousness in fish? Intelligence? Sentience? ...they are "just" fish I can hear the people say.

Of course there is the inborn, instinctual survive and reproduce kind of intelligence any life form seems to possess. What constitutes life is still in hot debate, especially now that computers are being developed who are more and more human like. But that is another topic.

Here is the observation  I made a few weeks ago in the fish tank I take care of: One of the fish had a lesion on one of his scales, or better, it seems the scale had come off and an infection was trying to set in. I upped the frequency of the water changes...it got better, then worse. It is a huge tank with a bio-filter, to treating with an antibiotic is not really easy. However, like I had done before, I made fish food disks soaked in antibiotics. So I timed the throwing of it  with the fish position and movement, and YEAH ...he ate it ....

and then SPAT IT OUT ....

I was like ...WHAT? Did he just do that?

For some reason, call it human arrogance or ignorance ...it just never occurred to be they would taste the difference and then decide to, or rather - reflexively - spit out  food.

My estimation of fish and reptile intelligence jumped ...and it - as a resulting side effect - caused me even more uneasiness bordering on pain now than before to see images of fishing - for human fun and relaxation especially. What about the fish? Your idea of relaxation is hurting fish?

So today I came across this article and very short video on fish inter-species cooperation. It just confirms something about fish - and since I just recalled it, there is a video of Valerie Taylor and the Moray eel she used to visit. I'll look for it too (embedded below) - mind-blowing. BTW, don't just try that yourself with those eels - they can and will bite you.

.... and while I am at it, here is a short story of someone who had an encounter with a fly :)

"So I had this annoying big fly bothering me while I was working on the computer yesterday afternoon. One of those that never land, just loud buzzing. I wasn't successful in hitting it. So I said to the fly, if you would just land and let me catch you I will not kill you but set you free. No kidding, it landed and let me pick it up and return it outdoors. Love when that happens." - Karen R.


The quantum world works in as yet mysterious ways. It really is all alive and conscious and don't for a moment think it does not include plants, rocks, single cells or macro-dimensional celestial bodies. Is there a hierarchy of some kind, sure, those fish sure can't make a video or write a blog, and they most likely won't be doing any "Work on Self" ...on the other hand ...you could not survive at all where they live either - only humans are able to build things in which they could. And in Buddhism, animal births are usually considered lower births ...which is not to say that higher beings cannot be born as an animal ...if that would serve the transformation of certain souls/beings.

It is all - LIFE - the incarnation and expression of the great Being
The shiva and shakti.

Spooky action at a distance and the law of attraction begin to make sense in the quantum world.

Can transformation happen through more and more intimate exploration of  and attention on the natural world? ...You bet. Here is a link if you have not read read about a rooster, "Blacky" and a point he drove home for me in a way like never before.

Anyway, here is the article about the fish inter-species cooperation - that page will take you off this website

Fish as good as chimpanzees at choosing the best partner for a task

Here is Valery Taylor's story with the eel

Sometimes I get a hint of this: Life exists and does what it does for the Absolute to FEEL - or - Life/creation is the vehicle of big heart - and then there is consciousness and big mind.

In the end, what is it that matters while we are here? incarnate on earth?

Electricity and magnetism - what is the difference?

This morning while  doing breakfast prep at 5:20 am I was cutting some celery and as soon as I was done there was a good morning greeting - together with a comment about how in restaurant kitchens you never address someone who is cutting something. That makes sense to me, and if I were running a restaurant, I'd certainly would want that to be one of the guidelines and adhered to.
What followed was a question, but how it arose, I don't know. The question is:

Q: Do you know the difference between electricity and magnetism?

Still doing breakfast prep, I quickly ascertained that I don't know nearly enough and what little can to mind   fast enough to give any kind of answer was basically: nothing -  and said: not really.

A: You can't see either one.

I laughed, ya, right .... and then this:


Why don't you write a blog about that?
Me: a blog?
Yes, see where it takes you.

The suggestion having come from E.J. Gold - I decided to follow up on it....even though I seem to be frighteningly simple-brained in the last couple of years.

I remembered the question and task a couple of times during the day while working on a coup addition and a mini shed ...and neither time did anything worthwhile come to mind.

So here I am, ...and I am going to go finish taking care of the fish for the night before continuing....

...ok, back

So - nothing could be further from my mind than refreshing my memory on the definitions, effects or differences of either electricity or magnetism, .... ok, not nothing, but that just isn't gonna happen.

I am more intrigued by the paradox ...kinda like: the difference appears to be the same, and - this:  you can't see either one.

Talking about "things" -  forces -  ...which you can't 'see"

This seeing of  it - brings up what it is we see, are able to see, are conditioned to see, have defined as seeing, could possibly see with high sense perception ...but whatever we can "see" is in any case so so "nanomiscally" limited - if not an illusion our brain created .... but that is a whole different story.

At the same time, even though in this reality we see, or, as the case is here - don't see - we nonetheless can experience the effects of those forces, we can study them, use them and explain happenings ...

Just because you don't see something - does not mean it is not there - or here...and it does not mean it is not affecting you.

So then - LOVE - just because you can't see it, or, for that matter, feel it or otherwise perceive it, does not mean it is not here right NOW - here ...as pervading and present as electricity and magnetism

....ya ...LOVE ...  the x-force of the multiverses.

Love is a force I recently heard

hm.....
we are able to harness some of the power of the electro and magnetic forces ....
a hint of excitement
what if?
how?

This reminds me also of where I was many many years ago when I claimed the purpose of this lifetime to be - to learn to love - but for real .....whatever that meant ....

...there is light shining through a tiny crack of what seems to be a doorway ...and I notice some anxiety in my chest at the prospect of it opening further ....and yet, sooner or later ...going there is inevitable

...there is more, but as often, another journey is just beginning....it happenes to be tied with a different level of will, groundedness, awareness and...something else.

...we are all getting older after all ...:)

Be blessed

c.

Weekly art hour with pencil magic

When doing the figure ground exercise  (see Draw Good Now series if you missed the instruction during the classes - but if you are new, it will be reviewed on gorebaggtv - just let me know in the chat)  there are many ways to do the 'scribble' and we will be using large, medium and small scribbles. It does not matter that much, what matters more is whether or not you will scribble across the border you drew initially.

You will see it when trying to shade in - and remember, just 1 (one) shade of grey for this one, the figure ground exercise) - tip: it is a lot easier to "see" the figure when there is no touching or overlapping with the border.

All enclosed spaces get shaded - except the ones touching the border - and that can be tricky when you went over it. There is NOTHING wrong with drawing over the border - it simply changes the figure and poses a little ....hm...dilemma maybe?  - as to deciding what needs to be shaded.

This brings me to the main point of this blog-post: the decision making  in pencil magic with shading, as in: what is to be shaded and how deeply. It is not your thinking mind which decides,  not your ego or willfulness which is asked or invoked: it is your subconscious, your meditative state, your inner knowing, your "seeing" with a different eye - because - there is a figure (or several figures) there which wants to emerge, be seen, come alive - and you are in relationship to IT - that 'thing', the entity, the form - you are its facilitator - helping it to come alive. It emerges from the ground and with shading - it will take 3 dimensional form - it changes from lines into an entity - in total collaboration with you and your state of being....and dropping your everyday beta brain state will allow it to be seen.

Sometimes I notice my hand or eye is drawn to a certain shape to start shading it...then to another - I don't really know why ...but i do it. Look again - following intuition - for lack of a better word. Sometimes I start seeing a multitude of shapes, entities or "beings" in there...the border is like a window into another world altogether...and i am still thinking - there is NO WAY i can draw or shade in a way that they all become visible ...but then - I am only carving out 1 hour a week for this .... so I don't know what  - with my willing help - could possibly emerge from that window .... but to me,  this entire shading process really IS magic :)
This journey has just begun. I have heard things like: and this is your next stage ...pointing to some incredible landscape drawing ...and I am like: no no ...not yet ...there is sooooo much more in these simple "exercises" ...:)

You are invited to join our weekly art hour on gorebaggtv
Fridays at 10:30am PST

Blessings

CW

Root canal and the meaning of Life

July 8, 2014 - the day I went for an appointment with the endodontist - to have a (dreaded) root canal done. Nothing outwardly wrong with the tooth, but lucency on the x-rays almost to the pulp - the nerve. ..and this off an on nagging "pressure" in the gum/jaw - i knew something was going on there. I had read up on root canals and the various opinions - the whole root canal pros and cons. I had changed my diet to include bioavailable calcium and other minerals, stopped eating anything with sugar (pretty much) and am working with my guides - and have been talking to my tooth and the nerve....preparing myself for this "root canal" .

They test it and  ...the nerve is alive and reacts normally. I later talk to the endodontist - a very nice man and one of the best they say. I would like to get an indirect pulp cap ....but he thinks the tooth is too far gone. I see him mark the tooth on the scan with the line - but I have hope till the end. ...breathing through the injection, getting numb - I return to gratitude - for this tooth and the nerves who have serves so well, for the guides i am working with,  I called them days ago and for the first time, did not close the window ...asking them to stay with me through this process I seem to be going through - of which this root canal is a part of.
A new level of loving and becoming - it is time - it is necessary - I MUST do it - and this "tooth" thing is part of it.

But here I am in the chair ...sensing and remembering that I chose to trust - that that which is best for the benefit of all beings will happen - one way or the other. I was able to bring it up with the endodontist - who understood (a little) but truly feels that the tooth structure is too far gone (too close to the pulp) for this to be anything other than a root canal. I do this prayer for my tooth:  I love you, I am sorry, Please forgive me and Thank you ...but mostly -- I love you and I am sorry. There is a very faint sensation - and I know then he killed it. I knew it, felt it - grateful for the numbing medicine. they finish up. Later he says the tooth had a  crack and that might have been how things were able to get inside. Still in the chair, he askes: how are you doing - I can't answer, one tear rolling down from my right eye.

In my meditations in the days prior to this - I tried a few things with my tooth and jaw - with interesting and encouraging results. I have to trust that in the end, this is for the best, that an indirect pulp cap would have, in the long run, been the worse choice to make - or simply ill advised. (and no, implant is not what i wanted). It is difficult for me  - that the nerve was still alive and (supposedly) had to get killed - and the root canal done....everything else would have been too much out of the norm ... However - as in any situation - I tried to do the best I could and - may what needs to happen be for the benefit of all beings everywhere - may that which needs to happen be the best way to serve.

I learned - or rather - realizations happen

 - there is this: these nerve cells, the blood vessel cells, the dental cells - all cells - carry the entire blueprint of a human - the DNA carries the entire blueprint of our ancestry on this planet. Every single cell - they are alive and  - there is consciousness there ....Every cell is doing their job the best they can under the circumstances they find themselves in - the food we give them, the care we give them - and the love - or non-loving states they have to deal with - every day - all our lives. If all that is -  is holographic ... wow ....nothing ever should die not having been loved. Most of our cells came here, did what they had to do ....then they died, having served - lived - done what they came here to do the best way possible.

Loving them - changes it all - for them,  for the divine, for us.

I can't tell you how, why - but loving changes it, life and  them ....something in you respects, comes into relational contact with cells or organs in this body you both inhabit and are. These cells do have a life of their own in the universe of the body - and something changes when you tell them  - I love you and  Thank you. You are their angel, their caretaker, their guide - and once you realize that - there is a level of responsibility to them - that had nothing to do with you wanting a better life or be more beautiful or some other such thing.

I have had some loving sessions with my heart recently - when nightly the arrhythmias got kind of scary. Now with a tooth .....and the place I got to was true - I love that tooth - and I loved that nerve and what it did all its life - and in the end - warn me that something was off. It may seem a little crazy to some ...

LOVE every cell in your body - no matter how well or imperfectly it is functioning.

When facing medical conditions - Invoke your guides - your highest vision or mantra - and then trust that the help you need is there - for the benefit of all beings. What you need is there. When sincere - peace will come....and I cannot tell you how much it meant to know and have told that tooth and its nerve - that I love them. It didn't get killed unloved - and for me - that simply means something important at this point in my process - and I can't even put my finger on it - it made the difference in coping with this root canal that is meaningful to me.

Simply love  every  single  cell  and  organ  in  your body.
Since I am new to this - it might take some acquainting myself with what that actually means.

There is a lot to ask forgiveness for, a lot to thank for - and when I say I am sorry - it is true.

Again, as it was with Blacky - the rooster: you only have right now, this moment.. Our bodies serve us - to help us wake up, love deeper, grow.

Presence - Attention -  Love - Gratitude - Grace - Compassion - and miraculous healing - may it be so - for spirit is senior to matter - and miracles can happen - if only we can believe.
I feel like I am at the threshold to some new level  - can't quite tell to where ...

Happens to be at the 30 minute sun-gazing mark - though I am not following the protocol precisely.

For the benefit of all beings everywhere - wishing you all healing necessary for your journey.

Related links what-am-i-doing-with-all-these-chickens?

Gifts of time and offerings

Just a few considerations to share today - a little hodge-podge of stuff

Offerings and participation. Lily came up from the home she lives at to have lunch with us yesterday and to show her teacher a painting. In that context, he asked: how are the art classes going, and the answer was: I am not doing it any more, I only had 2 people showing up - and one of those got Parkinson's now. His response: so what, I only have 2 people showing up at my classes - and I told her the same thing. ..in fact, 2 would be great.

Vineyard paintings by E.J. Gold

And it is true - it kinda feels like - wow, isn't my time more precious than that? Coming up from another project in progress,  that will get not done that day, to do the last art class  - I still felt - it is the right thing to do. But what about feedback, what about participation to make one feel to be on the right track. Or is it the road less traveled by - regardless of others?

Recently someone shared some things about offering something in Second Life in the Prosperity Ashram, a really good piece of work - but only 1 or 2 folks were really interested and showing up. I was thinking - wow great, and even if no one shows up, simply do a reading - to all beings everywhere and nearby. Even that would not be wasted time. I'd be happy  doing the art class with even 1 person participating and with some feedback. But is an offering - and yes, I understand how it feels.

Attending and being attended to go hand in hand - FB page likes, being liked and participation in a page go hand in hand. But basically, time and interest is precious and there seems to only be so much to go around.  I have seriously contemplated getting off facebook altogether. But then, there'd be no way at all  -  to share and like stuff, like that the art classes on gorebaggtv.  - and visions are big ...:).

Same goes for the photos of idhhb - it takes  time to get them ready to share - and hardly anyone looks at them and if they do - I don't know about it. Everyone wants to be seen and recognized, be connected, feel connected, be useful ....I know I can't keep up with everyone's stuff. Also, the way facebook works ...like and comment posts in a mutual way is what keeps them in the news feed the best.

On scheduling events - There is so much stuff from varying sources - some  events will end up being scheduled during other events - and maybe - the folks who attend either -  would not actually attend both ... and chose the time that works for THEM. I never asked certain classes taking place during safari times for example - but that is how it is.

Taking refuge - A bardo dream - drawing by CWolters

I do the art class because it is the right thing to do at this time, regardless. It is happening at a time - the only time, that I got - not my preferred time, but the only time that worked for others and was not interfering with any other event. I call it an attempt by the universe at something - even though I do not know what exactly.

Maybe - Maybe when vibrationally something gets aligned, the pencil magic shading art class on www.justin.tv/gorebaggtv will take off. Maybe it is something internal that still needs to  shift inside me, maybe it is a matter of practice and persistence and believing in the vision and paying the dues that this unit, me, needs to learn - maybe it simply is: doing what seems to be the right thing to do today, this week, at this time period - just because - no strings attached - just an invitation to participate, just because, or to grow a soul a little more.

Long overdue - A little bit about gifts
Sometimes I do someone a favor, like clean up the kitchen for them - just because I could, I had the time and energy and it felt right - and truly without expecting anything in return - and in fact, if I get "paid back" just to get "paid back", it takes away from the gift, it makes it a transaction. I don't want anything in return - because it came from the heart and if you think you can pay for that - you can't. Equally, if someone gives me something but expects a payment, even somewhere down the line - then don't give it. I am very grateful - thank you so much, but don't hold it out that now I owe you something - that is not how giving works. It really does not. A gift is a gift. If you are selling something, please - it would be better to know upfront about it, really. And regarding the bit of time I gave, the offering I made - if you end up paying for it at some other time because you think you have to, because you feel you owe - it is ruined as a gift...in fact, you did not accept the gift.

There is something about freedom in giving - freedom and radiance - without expectation - just because  it is the right thing to do at the time, just because your heart talks and you do it  - and if it is not - then maybe don't do it, or make a deal - but at the very least - no one ought to be expected to pay for a gift.

Participation can be a real gift...precious and priceless. Those who offer events - they do know this.

Namaste, Love and Lots of Blessings