Uniqueness

There is lot's of talk about your Unique Self in certain spiritual circles - and it makes a lot of sense.

What is your unique self and gift?

I see these wonderful images of very attractive, gorgeous, sexy, beautiful women, some of whom I personally know - and I know they do deep work,  real work, real spiritual work.

And I wonder then - wow - but what if I'm not like that or even meant to live that?  What if I am in fact essentially more plain - hm... What does connecting with the "feminine power" means for this life here, this one who is living as me? What if my contribution is modest - or not meant to be seen - or not really worthy to be seen. What does the  bodhisattva vow mean for me? How does living in this couldron of group help the absolute, the greater being - when tolerating the manifestations of others, non stop and relentless in your face is the task at hand to do before any other work is even possible?. And then - it doesn't stop there, the tolerating of it - but the embracing of it, the lived compassion. How does one do self care and avoid self denial in the face of: the other IS your self - and when in fact the spiritual evolutionary crest of the wave seems to promote  to be all about living YOUR unique self...how easily does this slip into the ME ME ME syndrome?
Explain that in simple words for this world of maya - the pixels of matter. In this never-ending beingness, where only momentary relief seems possible, you got to laugh at least once a day :) and ride the waves as they come....

Ah, sweet paradoxes.

In the end, I keep coming back to this: you do the best you can - and that's the best you can do.

Dying with gratitude in your heart

There is an exercise that goes something like this: When you go to sleep for the night, consider you will not wake up - you'll die...and this was the last day you were here on earth.

Every now and then, I wonder about some things.

How will I die consciously and with an attitude of gratitude for this incarnation, this opportunity?
How can this can be accomplished?

Questions that go through my mind: Did I update my will? How was my last conversation with my mother or sister? Did I let those I love in this human way know that I do? And there is a realisation that while it's not the latest update of my will, noone will suffer financial hardship to have to handle some stuff I leave behind.

I remember reading in Grace and Grit when Treya died....that was amazing.
I won't die like that. It would be cool to be in the presence of someone where love and understanding is the underlying feeling - and to gaze a last time in love and gratitude before the last breath.  Some lives just turn out differently than others. Would I want to die alone? I used to hope that I would not but I do question. Not all company is better than none.

I love remembering those little things and  moments in  life that inspire gratitude,  such amazing gratitude - and it's the little things for me, be it  a small songbird singing on the roof of your house as you wake up on a  clear perfect sunny warm spring morning, Italian ice cream from the Italian guest workers in Germany, chocolate and lemon, double scoop with real wiped cream, chocolate Easter eggs hidden by your dad on a walk through the forest, an unexpected lover's gaze, the teachings of your teachers and some moments with them, the feel or hot water in the shower in the morning, the blissful time of oneness with everything, sounds of music - the end of a rainbow in your garden, the simple act of walking, feeling your muscles and bones and sensing your foot touch the ground, a shiny leaf of a houseplant after dusting it, your cat's purr and warm soft fur,  or her paws alternating putting pressure on your chest, cappuccino with a friend, the freedom of a gift you gave, a day in the park with the kids, the kindness expressed which was unexpected and never forgotten - the heart remembers  - at least until it dies.. But really, it's gratitude for the little things....and that list seems endless....so  many moments...the more I sit, the more they come...it would be pages and pages and pages....
Would I be able to include all the pain? Sometimes I can offer that up....but I don't think recalling those times is beneficial in that process of tat they would naturally occur. I would have to make myself go there - and there would be no point in doing that that makes sense to me.
As for the pain you inflicted on any sentient being - you'll feel that soon enough, if you haven't already...but that's another story.

What would be a better death: die alone grateful for all there was or in the presence of someone who never really cared, where the memory is always on the side of pain, and distrust somehow cannot be overcome? The door to that state of gratitude may be harder to open. Work on self till the last conscious moments....?
The space of deep love and trust as well as acceptance and understanding about the transition and death process - lucky ones where that includes human company.But then, moments of connection sometimes come unexpectedly.
I pray physical pain won't be   too bad to stay conscious and be able to be grateful, to be able  to trust in Being and your instincts and knowing you did the best you could, being able to stay present with the process and say good bye in your mind to everyone with a kind heart and a smile and wave - knowing it's time and simply be ready to go...in deep relaxation and acceptance - and - gratitude for your life, this incarnation as a work opportunity.

As fairly regular mortals, we don't really know how it is afterwards, in the bardo, ....not really....
We are all such  unique and one time one manifestations. I hope I served it well enough...the great It, G-D, the Absolute, The One and Only - in any case, what else could I have done that I would not have done if I could have done it better?
I would like to leave my stuff a little more organized, affairs more handled ....not a bad thing to pay attention to again tomorrow, if there is one...
You just never know.