Why my main avatar stopped playing Path of Exile

So today we finally killed Dominus in merciless in Path of Exile - POE - the equivalent of hell in Diablo 2, only this is merciless. There is no grand reward or anything, so mostly we have not been doing it in the various leagues (ie ladders) because it is a MERCILESS task.  However, my level 73 character - "I" - asked for it to finally be done - to finish the commitment to free this world we have been fighting to liberate - from Dominus (and so much for those who claim not to get involved in local politics haha - you are not waking up any NPCs, teaching art or growing souls - your entire life there you are getting involved in their politics - until you finish that and then go for fame and stuff, just saying).

The reason for  my character to finish the game is this - "I" want out. I no longer see the point of this one, but worse, it might be doing me harm - and yes, it might just be because I simply cannot play it well enough. I even contemplated how this might be a reflection of my earthy game atm, but in POE

1. I can't really see the graphics well (it is too f*cking much on the screen), 
2. My avatar's leveling slowed to a crawl while playing in the group, though it does a ton of damage - and I don't have the time to solo it to try to catch up....I did that for weeks, but now it is taking too too long.
3. The punishment for death is brutal if you care to level at all. - sometimes I don't care - but mostly there is some version of hate.
4. After the time change in local earth I miss part of the game because of other duties, slowing leveling from a crawl to a standstill. What is the deal with leveling?  Your character needs to gain in level to be able to handle the "level" of monsters ...and when the group starts leveling beyond you...you are more or less doomed to stay behind unless special attention and consideration is given to you.
5. and,  last, but not least ...the thing I noticed and winced about from the start - they make you kill animals in this game -  bears, wolves, chicken-rheas, monkeys, crustacens and other such creatures. The ghouls and ghosts and demons are one thing, but why them, (even though they will kill you). A long time ago I stopped doing the quest where you have to go into the den to kill the great white beast because it haunts the inhabitants in their dreams -  geeez  people  use a CQR already, but I ain't killing him any more.

So between interfering in the local politics, the killing of animals and not being willing to spend the time and money to actually get a character who can make it leveling in the higher map quests without SO SO SO much pain and punishment ....I am taking a break from it.

How can I come back? Honestly - I don't know. Will I miss it - not sure, never did get the same pog  sense in this one because so much of the resources were spent on simply surviving.  (Term POG - from Pack of Green - has become a well known term amongst those initiated in bardo safaris.)
Maybe I am just not cut out for this one. Even if I could somehow get some "reason" why it would be ethically necessary to kill the animals - I'd still rather do music or art or work on the chicken garden - so so so much work to do there.

For some of you, "playing" this game may be a welcome distraction, relaxation and time spent with friends from far away, or an entertaining challenge - not for me, for all the above, though "killing" ie handling the monster groups when you  are reasonably able to level and have an adequate avatar can indeed be fun.

Some will say - aha - looser, whimp, drop out ...whatever, maybe I really AM not capable for this game. On the other hand,  maybe give me a good reason I can understand and accept to agree to spend my earth time researching this game and getting good at it even in the higher levels - because ...I don't see it, I don't feel it. After the main game's task is finished, you end up doing "maps" and need to get  better and stronger to survive. ...for what? To have more stuff in the hideout, to get a sense of mastery - but maybe it is fun for you?

 Diablo 2 was different....at any rate, for me there was a reason to do it that was more than what seems to be happening now.  I guess it is child's play compared? - It is a beginner's game after all. ...though it totally was mind-blowing for me.

It is possible that there IS a fundamental flaw or deficiency within myself that I am not able to play video games past a certain level. - but then, so be it - why continue with Kopf an die Wand ...hit your head against a brick wall?  At some point, that becomes stupidity.
It is sad to have to finally leave the group - ya, but at this time,  not greater than the pain it was to be there. ...many months of this to finally get to that point. To think it has been 10 years of at times intense involvement (some of the best things in my life and awakening process happened online like that) in the online multiplayer bardo training - and even though it is only POE we are talking about atm - the process of change started 4 years ago already - but that is another story altogether.

I'd rather be doing stuff like this walk-in tool cabinet pictured here that I needed to keep my tools dry YAY:), or researching, as per request,  which live plants, if any, are good for a crested Gecko habitat? There are a ton of  raised beds to be made, there are so many webpages to be worked on, I need to do my CME for license, and a gazillion other things,  ....like digging a draining trench to that the second chicken coop didn't flood again ...the rain that just started pouring down...a big storm here ...I hope that trench was big enough - but I can tell you this: I am so happy my tools have a home with a roof :) - and with killing Dominus today with the help of the group, my avatar's obligation to that world is fulfilled.
Good luck guys - and I already know you are having fun.
Now if I can get myself to clean up this room I am sitting in to have some space for a guitar and amp .....:)

Do we die a solitary death - like bumble bees?

I posted a little story of a bumble bee on facebook ...and one of the comments was - "what a beautiful story. it seems all beings die a solitary death in some way."

Coming up the driveway from the garden - chicken feeding time - I realized that an entire book could be written on the subject - from differentiating what could be meant by beings, as in the spirit or soul - whose death is something entirely different - IF they ever die - too ok, by beings it was meant - all the living beings  on the planet die a solitary death in some way . As in death bodies cease to be what is generally be called alive - death has to be solitary most of the time.There is the question - was really IS a solitary death? What is DEATH and is there a process. The bumble bees go out , by themselves - but as hives go, as a hive together, though separately - to die - is that really a solitary death when the entire colony dies. If there is a death that appears to be solitary, what makes it so? So, I don't intend to write a book on the topic, but just a post on a blog that is not too long to actually be read.

Seeing the words: they all die a solitary death - there was kind of the sense,  - a hint of something ...sacred and sad about life and death -  conveyed by the bumble bee's way of dieing ...but there was also something in me that says ...while it may be true, that everyone dies a solitary death in some way, it also is not. In some other way, we as humans don't have to die a solitary death.

Here is that bumble bee story in case you hadn't read it:  i learned something about bumble bees today - each fall, all but the queens die a solitary death .....it kinda hit me...they all die a solitary death. Here is the story, kept short - Yesterday on the way to the gardens - i passed a flower with a bumble-bee on it...so late in the season ...it was seeking nourishment from it. today, cold and rainy as it was...there it still was, on the same flower...not moving, or rather barely ....so i took it inside, gave it some warmth and some sugar and honey water ...and watched it come to life...wow...and started wondering about why it was out there....and wondering if it was a queen and maybe finding a way to save it...it didn't seem to have the size i saw quoted for queens....and i learned...that each fall all bumble bees but the fertilized bumble bee queens - die a solitary death. it seemed there would be no point going against what nature intended - even though it accepted the sweet water - and so i took it with the flower and the sugar dish and put it in the green house, under some cover. i won't be checking on it - but for a moment - dear bumble bee - i did see you and there was love....there still is ....

2 examples come to mind of a non-solitary death:

• Example 1 - I recall in the book  "Grace and Grit"  by Ken Wilber, when Treya, his wife, dies of cancer ...surrounded by family, she dies consciously, in the final moments looking into Ken's eyes - and she says - find me. To me ...even though there is a part of the journey through and into death where you,  as a human go on alone ...this was not a solitary death the way I would define it - and like all the bumble bees seem to die.

• Example 2 - And then this morning I remembered something that happened when my dad died years ago. He knew he was gonna die for least 3 months, and when it was time...they called me and I took one of those emergency flights to Germany. They kept him off morphine so he would be able to realize I was there...and he did, though he could no longer speak. He died that night - I was there with him. I recalled something that Tom Brown had tried to convey: when someone dies, you can accompany them with spirit, in the spirit world, to a certain point, after wish you either also die, or have to stay behind ...when they go into the light. So I did that- stay with him to that point....and then there came that time where there was a lot of light ahead ...and my dad said something like (communicated) but what about the family - and i replied - you can go say goodbye before you go. Reconstructing events later ...that was the exact time my then 3 year old nephew sat up in bed wide awake ...crying loudly saying: Ich muss zum Opa" I gotta go see grandpa. i gotta go see grandpa ...again and again, crying...and my sister knew my dad had died.  So - was his a solitary death? I know he wanted me there, was reassured I had made it (in fact I always had the feeling he waited till I got there - for my mother's sake). I didn't know about the ABD at that time - and all I whispered into his ear were things like - remember you are love. They only gave it 20 minutes in the hospital till they wanted to do what they had to do. It was a solitary death in some way - but not in another....i was there with him.

I felt  a resonance with that bumble bee too - or rather - the solitary death. The thing for me -this human me is this: I don't have a son or daughter, or a husband or even friends that are close enough. Whose eye contact would you hold in death? So if I died in the next few days, the human in me - will likely die a solitary death in that sense, even if there were people around.  I wish for it to be peacefully and prepared no matter what, I actually wrote some things about it in the Five Wishes - but sometimes I have seen it happening sitting in the garden, solitary, peacefully (not in the wet and cold though :) surrounded by birds and trees and flowers - and while that actually corresponds to some degree to my nature, it also shows a lack of connection to humans....that would be an entire other section in the above mentioned book.

There is an inner death's door we go through alone, but up to that point, it is possible to not die a solitary death - like the bumble bees. I'll leave it there - and also that in the "in between bardos" - you can travel as a group, that contact is possible. But that is a whole other story again. Being to Being contact is possible - across time and space.

To speak with a Native American saying - paraphrased: there is no death, just changing of worlds. When going through that door, death's door,  into another world, it appears you go alone, there is something inner ...that steps through - leaving everything previously known, behind. In that sense, yes, death is solitary. 

Are there ways to prepare for it death - sure, one that comes to mind right now is the doorway exercise.

OH DEAR GOD ....i could not remember what book it was in...so i did a search  online...and there it is...omg, "doorways" it is even printed as a sample from the book: Practical work on Self right there... it musta meant to go on this page. wow...i didn't know

it is right there for you

A Chapter From The Book

Practical Work on Self

by E.J. Gold

Doorways

 

:)

Consciousness and higher intelligence in fish

Hm fish - consciousness in fish? Intelligence? Sentience? ...they are "just" fish I can hear the people say.

Of course there is the inborn, instinctual survive and reproduce kind of intelligence any life form seems to possess. What constitutes life is still in hot debate, especially now that computers are being developed who are more and more human like. But that is another topic.

Here is the observation  I made a few weeks ago in the fish tank I take care of: One of the fish had a lesion on one of his scales, or better, it seems the scale had come off and an infection was trying to set in. I upped the frequency of the water changes...it got better, then worse. It is a huge tank with a bio-filter, to treating with an antibiotic is not really easy. However, like I had done before, I made fish food disks soaked in antibiotics. So I timed the throwing of it  with the fish position and movement, and YEAH ...he ate it ....

and then SPAT IT OUT ....

I was like ...WHAT? Did he just do that?

For some reason, call it human arrogance or ignorance ...it just never occurred to be they would taste the difference and then decide to, or rather - reflexively - spit out  food.

My estimation of fish and reptile intelligence jumped ...and it - as a resulting side effect - caused me even more uneasiness bordering on pain now than before to see images of fishing - for human fun and relaxation especially. What about the fish? Your idea of relaxation is hurting fish?

So today I came across this article and very short video on fish inter-species cooperation. It just confirms something about fish - and since I just recalled it, there is a video of Valerie Taylor and the Moray eel she used to visit. I'll look for it too (embedded below) - mind-blowing. BTW, don't just try that yourself with those eels - they can and will bite you.

.... and while I am at it, here is a short story of someone who had an encounter with a fly :)

"So I had this annoying big fly bothering me while I was working on the computer yesterday afternoon. One of those that never land, just loud buzzing. I wasn't successful in hitting it. So I said to the fly, if you would just land and let me catch you I will not kill you but set you free. No kidding, it landed and let me pick it up and return it outdoors. Love when that happens." - Karen R.


The quantum world works in as yet mysterious ways. It really is all alive and conscious and don't for a moment think it does not include plants, rocks, single cells or macro-dimensional celestial bodies. Is there a hierarchy of some kind, sure, those fish sure can't make a video or write a blog, and they most likely won't be doing any "Work on Self" ...on the other hand ...you could not survive at all where they live either - only humans are able to build things in which they could. And in Buddhism, animal births are usually considered lower births ...which is not to say that higher beings cannot be born as an animal ...if that would serve the transformation of certain souls/beings.

It is all - LIFE - the incarnation and expression of the great Being
The shiva and shakti.

Spooky action at a distance and the law of attraction begin to make sense in the quantum world.

Can transformation happen through more and more intimate exploration of  and attention on the natural world? ...You bet. Here is a link if you have not read read about a rooster, "Blacky" and a point he drove home for me in a way like never before.

Anyway, here is the article about the fish inter-species cooperation - that page will take you off this website

Fish as good as chimpanzees at choosing the best partner for a task

Here is Valery Taylor's story with the eel

Sometimes I get a hint of this: Life exists and does what it does for the Absolute to FEEL - or - Life/creation is the vehicle of big heart - and then there is consciousness and big mind.

In the end, what is it that matters while we are here? incarnate on earth?

Electricity and magnetism - what is the difference?

This morning while  doing breakfast prep at 5:20 am I was cutting some celery and as soon as I was done there was a good morning greeting - together with a comment about how in restaurant kitchens you never address someone who is cutting something. That makes sense to me, and if I were running a restaurant, I'd certainly would want that to be one of the guidelines and adhered to.
What followed was a question, but how it arose, I don't know. The question is:

Q: Do you know the difference between electricity and magnetism?

Still doing breakfast prep, I quickly ascertained that I don't know nearly enough and what little can to mind   fast enough to give any kind of answer was basically: nothing -  and said: not really.

A: You can't see either one.

I laughed, ya, right .... and then this:


Why don't you write a blog about that?
Me: a blog?
Yes, see where it takes you.

The suggestion having come from E.J. Gold - I decided to follow up on it....even though I seem to be frighteningly simple-brained in the last couple of years.

I remembered the question and task a couple of times during the day while working on a coup addition and a mini shed ...and neither time did anything worthwhile come to mind.

So here I am, ...and I am going to go finish taking care of the fish for the night before continuing....

...ok, back

So - nothing could be further from my mind than refreshing my memory on the definitions, effects or differences of either electricity or magnetism, .... ok, not nothing, but that just isn't gonna happen.

I am more intrigued by the paradox ...kinda like: the difference appears to be the same, and - this:  you can't see either one.

Talking about "things" -  forces -  ...which you can't 'see"

This seeing of  it - brings up what it is we see, are able to see, are conditioned to see, have defined as seeing, could possibly see with high sense perception ...but whatever we can "see" is in any case so so "nanomiscally" limited - if not an illusion our brain created .... but that is a whole different story.

At the same time, even though in this reality we see, or, as the case is here - don't see - we nonetheless can experience the effects of those forces, we can study them, use them and explain happenings ...

Just because you don't see something - does not mean it is not there - or here...and it does not mean it is not affecting you.

So then - LOVE - just because you can't see it, or, for that matter, feel it or otherwise perceive it, does not mean it is not here right NOW - here ...as pervading and present as electricity and magnetism

....ya ...LOVE ...  the x-force of the multiverses.

Love is a force I recently heard

hm.....
we are able to harness some of the power of the electro and magnetic forces ....
a hint of excitement
what if?
how?

This reminds me also of where I was many many years ago when I claimed the purpose of this lifetime to be - to learn to love - but for real .....whatever that meant ....

...there is light shining through a tiny crack of what seems to be a doorway ...and I notice some anxiety in my chest at the prospect of it opening further ....and yet, sooner or later ...going there is inevitable

...there is more, but as often, another journey is just beginning....it happenes to be tied with a different level of will, groundedness, awareness and...something else.

...we are all getting older after all ...:)

Be blessed

c.

Weekly art hour with pencil magic

When doing the figure ground exercise  (see Draw Good Now series if you missed the instruction during the classes - but if you are new, it will be reviewed on gorebaggtv - just let me know in the chat)  there are many ways to do the 'scribble' and we will be using large, medium and small scribbles. It does not matter that much, what matters more is whether or not you will scribble across the border you drew initially.

You will see it when trying to shade in - and remember, just 1 (one) shade of grey for this one, the figure ground exercise) - tip: it is a lot easier to "see" the figure when there is no touching or overlapping with the border.

All enclosed spaces get shaded - except the ones touching the border - and that can be tricky when you went over it. There is NOTHING wrong with drawing over the border - it simply changes the figure and poses a little ....hm...dilemma maybe?  - as to deciding what needs to be shaded.

This brings me to the main point of this blog-post: the decision making  in pencil magic with shading, as in: what is to be shaded and how deeply. It is not your thinking mind which decides,  not your ego or willfulness which is asked or invoked: it is your subconscious, your meditative state, your inner knowing, your "seeing" with a different eye - because - there is a figure (or several figures) there which wants to emerge, be seen, come alive - and you are in relationship to IT - that 'thing', the entity, the form - you are its facilitator - helping it to come alive. It emerges from the ground and with shading - it will take 3 dimensional form - it changes from lines into an entity - in total collaboration with you and your state of being....and dropping your everyday beta brain state will allow it to be seen.

Sometimes I notice my hand or eye is drawn to a certain shape to start shading it...then to another - I don't really know why ...but i do it. Look again - following intuition - for lack of a better word. Sometimes I start seeing a multitude of shapes, entities or "beings" in there...the border is like a window into another world altogether...and i am still thinking - there is NO WAY i can draw or shade in a way that they all become visible ...but then - I am only carving out 1 hour a week for this .... so I don't know what  - with my willing help - could possibly emerge from that window .... but to me,  this entire shading process really IS magic :)
This journey has just begun. I have heard things like: and this is your next stage ...pointing to some incredible landscape drawing ...and I am like: no no ...not yet ...there is sooooo much more in these simple "exercises" ...:)

You are invited to join our weekly art hour on gorebaggtv
Fridays at 10:30am PST

Blessings

CW

Root canal and the meaning of Life

July 8, 2014 - the day I went for an appointment with the endodontist - to have a (dreaded) root canal done. Nothing outwardly wrong with the tooth, but lucency on the x-rays almost to the pulp - the nerve. ..and this off an on nagging "pressure" in the gum/jaw - i knew something was going on there. I had read up on root canals and the various opinions - the whole root canal pros and cons. I had changed my diet to include bioavailable calcium and other minerals, stopped eating anything with sugar (pretty much) and am working with my guides - and have been talking to my tooth and the nerve....preparing myself for this "root canal" .

They test it and  ...the nerve is alive and reacts normally. I later talk to the endodontist - a very nice man and one of the best they say. I would like to get an indirect pulp cap ....but he thinks the tooth is too far gone. I see him mark the tooth on the scan with the line - but I have hope till the end. ...breathing through the injection, getting numb - I return to gratitude - for this tooth and the nerves who have serves so well, for the guides i am working with,  I called them days ago and for the first time, did not close the window ...asking them to stay with me through this process I seem to be going through - of which this root canal is a part of.
A new level of loving and becoming - it is time - it is necessary - I MUST do it - and this "tooth" thing is part of it.

But here I am in the chair ...sensing and remembering that I chose to trust - that that which is best for the benefit of all beings will happen - one way or the other. I was able to bring it up with the endodontist - who understood (a little) but truly feels that the tooth structure is too far gone (too close to the pulp) for this to be anything other than a root canal. I do this prayer for my tooth:  I love you, I am sorry, Please forgive me and Thank you ...but mostly -- I love you and I am sorry. There is a very faint sensation - and I know then he killed it. I knew it, felt it - grateful for the numbing medicine. they finish up. Later he says the tooth had a  crack and that might have been how things were able to get inside. Still in the chair, he askes: how are you doing - I can't answer, one tear rolling down from my right eye.

In my meditations in the days prior to this - I tried a few things with my tooth and jaw - with interesting and encouraging results. I have to trust that in the end, this is for the best, that an indirect pulp cap would have, in the long run, been the worse choice to make - or simply ill advised. (and no, implant is not what i wanted). It is difficult for me  - that the nerve was still alive and (supposedly) had to get killed - and the root canal done....everything else would have been too much out of the norm ... However - as in any situation - I tried to do the best I could and - may what needs to happen be for the benefit of all beings everywhere - may that which needs to happen be the best way to serve.

I learned - or rather - realizations happen

 - there is this: these nerve cells, the blood vessel cells, the dental cells - all cells - carry the entire blueprint of a human - the DNA carries the entire blueprint of our ancestry on this planet. Every single cell - they are alive and  - there is consciousness there ....Every cell is doing their job the best they can under the circumstances they find themselves in - the food we give them, the care we give them - and the love - or non-loving states they have to deal with - every day - all our lives. If all that is -  is holographic ... wow ....nothing ever should die not having been loved. Most of our cells came here, did what they had to do ....then they died, having served - lived - done what they came here to do the best way possible.

Loving them - changes it all - for them,  for the divine, for us.

I can't tell you how, why - but loving changes it, life and  them ....something in you respects, comes into relational contact with cells or organs in this body you both inhabit and are. These cells do have a life of their own in the universe of the body - and something changes when you tell them  - I love you and  Thank you. You are their angel, their caretaker, their guide - and once you realize that - there is a level of responsibility to them - that had nothing to do with you wanting a better life or be more beautiful or some other such thing.

I have had some loving sessions with my heart recently - when nightly the arrhythmias got kind of scary. Now with a tooth .....and the place I got to was true - I love that tooth - and I loved that nerve and what it did all its life - and in the end - warn me that something was off. It may seem a little crazy to some ...

LOVE every cell in your body - no matter how well or imperfectly it is functioning.

When facing medical conditions - Invoke your guides - your highest vision or mantra - and then trust that the help you need is there - for the benefit of all beings. What you need is there. When sincere - peace will come....and I cannot tell you how much it meant to know and have told that tooth and its nerve - that I love them. It didn't get killed unloved - and for me - that simply means something important at this point in my process - and I can't even put my finger on it - it made the difference in coping with this root canal that is meaningful to me.

Simply love  every  single  cell  and  organ  in  your body.
Since I am new to this - it might take some acquainting myself with what that actually means.

There is a lot to ask forgiveness for, a lot to thank for - and when I say I am sorry - it is true.

Again, as it was with Blacky - the rooster: you only have right now, this moment.. Our bodies serve us - to help us wake up, love deeper, grow.

Presence - Attention -  Love - Gratitude - Grace - Compassion - and miraculous healing - may it be so - for spirit is senior to matter - and miracles can happen - if only we can believe.
I feel like I am at the threshold to some new level  - can't quite tell to where ...

Happens to be at the 30 minute sun-gazing mark - though I am not following the protocol precisely.

For the benefit of all beings everywhere - wishing you all healing necessary for your journey.

Related links what-am-i-doing-with-all-these-chickens?

Gifts of time and offerings

Just a few considerations to share today - a little hodge-podge of stuff

Offerings and participation. Lily came up from the home she lives at to have lunch with us yesterday and to show her teacher a painting. In that context, he asked: how are the art classes going, and the answer was: I am not doing it any more, I only had 2 people showing up - and one of those got Parkinson's now. His response: so what, I only have 2 people showing up at my classes - and I told her the same thing. ..in fact, 2 would be great.

Vineyard paintings by E.J. Gold

And it is true - it kinda feels like - wow, isn't my time more precious than that? Coming up from another project in progress,  that will get not done that day, to do the last art class  - I still felt - it is the right thing to do. But what about feedback, what about participation to make one feel to be on the right track. Or is it the road less traveled by - regardless of others?

Recently someone shared some things about offering something in Second Life in the Prosperity Ashram, a really good piece of work - but only 1 or 2 folks were really interested and showing up. I was thinking - wow great, and even if no one shows up, simply do a reading - to all beings everywhere and nearby. Even that would not be wasted time. I'd be happy  doing the art class with even 1 person participating and with some feedback. But is an offering - and yes, I understand how it feels.

Attending and being attended to go hand in hand - FB page likes, being liked and participation in a page go hand in hand. But basically, time and interest is precious and there seems to only be so much to go around.  I have seriously contemplated getting off facebook altogether. But then, there'd be no way at all  -  to share and like stuff, like that the art classes on gorebaggtv.  - and visions are big ...:).

Same goes for the photos of idhhb - it takes  time to get them ready to share - and hardly anyone looks at them and if they do - I don't know about it. Everyone wants to be seen and recognized, be connected, feel connected, be useful ....I know I can't keep up with everyone's stuff. Also, the way facebook works ...like and comment posts in a mutual way is what keeps them in the news feed the best.

On scheduling events - There is so much stuff from varying sources - some  events will end up being scheduled during other events - and maybe - the folks who attend either -  would not actually attend both ... and chose the time that works for THEM. I never asked certain classes taking place during safari times for example - but that is how it is.

Taking refuge - A bardo dream - drawing by CWolters

I do the art class because it is the right thing to do at this time, regardless. It is happening at a time - the only time, that I got - not my preferred time, but the only time that worked for others and was not interfering with any other event. I call it an attempt by the universe at something - even though I do not know what exactly.

Maybe - Maybe when vibrationally something gets aligned, the pencil magic shading art class on www.justin.tv/gorebaggtv will take off. Maybe it is something internal that still needs to  shift inside me, maybe it is a matter of practice and persistence and believing in the vision and paying the dues that this unit, me, needs to learn - maybe it simply is: doing what seems to be the right thing to do today, this week, at this time period - just because - no strings attached - just an invitation to participate, just because, or to grow a soul a little more.

Long overdue - A little bit about gifts
Sometimes I do someone a favor, like clean up the kitchen for them - just because I could, I had the time and energy and it felt right - and truly without expecting anything in return - and in fact, if I get "paid back" just to get "paid back", it takes away from the gift, it makes it a transaction. I don't want anything in return - because it came from the heart and if you think you can pay for that - you can't. Equally, if someone gives me something but expects a payment, even somewhere down the line - then don't give it. I am very grateful - thank you so much, but don't hold it out that now I owe you something - that is not how giving works. It really does not. A gift is a gift. If you are selling something, please - it would be better to know upfront about it, really. And regarding the bit of time I gave, the offering I made - if you end up paying for it at some other time because you think you have to, because you feel you owe - it is ruined as a gift...in fact, you did not accept the gift.

There is something about freedom in giving - freedom and radiance - without expectation - just because  it is the right thing to do at the time, just because your heart talks and you do it  - and if it is not - then maybe don't do it, or make a deal - but at the very least - no one ought to be expected to pay for a gift.

Participation can be a real gift...precious and priceless. Those who offer events - they do know this.

Namaste, Love and Lots of Blessings

What am I doing with all these chickens?

June 17, 2014 at about noon -  having dreaded the trip but thought it necessary - I was coming home from a trip into another world - the dentist. Never mind that it  was basically bad news, even as this was the last time to me "my" dentist as he is finally retiring.
I felt like I had been onsome bardo trip that day - and realized while out there: when you go to a conventional medical practice - it is almost impossible to extricate yourself  out of its conventional medical fangs - whether what is suggested is "right" or "wrong". That was one insight that I felt, experienced and "got it". It takes a lot to follow your own intuition regarding what to do for your health and if you are alternatively inclined - it pays to find an open minded conpatiple MD who will work with you.

However, the appointment having been in the morning - with no actual dental work got done that day - I nonetheless found myself pretty much unable to do anything that day. ...in terms of my usual work schedule that day.

What was interesting was this: when I went down to take care of the chickens for the evening, This is what came to mind: "What am I doing with all these chickens?"Knowing how I felt about chickens and the entire adventure with them - this was a noteworthy thing.

It has not felt the same with the chickens ever since.

After some research online, I ordered one supplement that day - my first to take in many years - and only because my nutrition is still sub-optimal to maintain natural health.

I guess I stopped being a vegetarian that day too - because, while not eating meat - I am making bone broth from chicken bones leftover from someone else's meal.

Also, from 1 day to the next - no sugar or grain intake at all. It was just one of those "Stop It" things - some of you will get the reference.

Oil pulling - started - can't say I like it much, but seems to work.

I WILL have to find a raw, organic, grassfed dairy milk though .....wish me luck.

Feels like a new chapter ..... not in the same world after the visit than when I left.

About the art class

Today is Friday and we met again on gorebaggtv (Friday 10:30 - 11:30) for the current art class: pencil magic, based on the series "Draw Good Now" by E.J. Gold.

It was delightful, albeit a little challenging, to have little Kaira (or not so little any more?) attend from Spain today - and I really hope it was fun for her.

In my mind  there have been images and ideas floating around -  about painting - evolving out of the shading. Some of those creations are huge, some with colors, some tell stories - may they be seen some day.

In the meantime, it was back to basics today - and I am reminded of one of the things E.J. Gold has been doing over and over and over: start over with "noobs" - meaning new folks showing up at art class or for zen flute classes, or for guitar classes. I have seen total beginners taking those basics lessons into their life and being, starting to make music, write ...do art. Some may need a longer germination time - that would be me - but I can't help admiring to be willing to start over and over and over when someone new shows up, or just as a matter of repetition - for the benefit of all beings everywhere.

Just like E.J. Gold says when you get to be a level 99 in Diablo 2: ...  what is there to do - you help others, you start over.

I can't quite imagine the patience, the divine indifference - in the face of: the so so slow pace of waking up, the inertia, the apathy, the unconsciousness .....  of large sections of humanity - or the beings lost in bodies.

Things can't be forced - one is ready when the time comes.

I had the good fortune to attend some of the art classes with E.J. Gold a few years back, very eye opening. Later I even worked on making the DVDs - and  - when asked to give an art class online for the "online" folks during workshops - I knew it was time to give back, pass something on. In fact, anything given by a teacher of any kind seems to carry with it the obligation to - pass it on. At least it registers like that inside me.

It is helpful to make/have/find things available that can aid in the awakening process, to put out the tools for awakening, pass something on, offer it the best you can - and be delighted with someone makes use of them.

Some folks are by nature social butterflies - and - it can help - as well as obscure or even hinder the self initiatory aspect of steps into awakening practice and processes. For someone like me, that too becomes practice, this being "social" at all - to step out even though it is NOT my inclination to do so. I don't offer much in human social relationship benefits :). The process of doing art needs to be what is the draw, the attraction. The desire to grow your soul doing art, the relationship of yourself to your SELF is the force that brings you to the pencil and paper, the discovery of the magic or 3d illusion creations,   the relationship of the outer and the inner, the creative process from the source ...and the path it takes - is what becomes the driving force to show it.  I don't offer polished or tantalizing anything - though I sure have known the life-changing power of online working and beingness with another, without even using any words.

 At this time, the process and practice of doing art, in this case simple shading drawing - is the tool for awakening, a journey into depth and presence. At this point I trust enough to know: it WILL awaken a part of the BEING  more - and  I am not going to be done as there is layer upon layer of awakening and then - working. In terms of doing art - I cannot draw on the powerful drive and love I have in this lifetime for the working with mama earth and her creatures. - for me, doing art is -  more like an essence task ... something to develop...because I have heard: of growing your soul, and of doing art being a means to do so.

Thank you so much for participating. When you are making something available yourself - you can  truly understand how precious that is.

Thank you :)

Does doing art grow your soul?

A while ago I realized that what Anatole France says it is true: "Until one has loved an animal, a part of one’s soul remains unawakened"

I have also heard: the only purpose for any human being anywhere at any time is to grow a soul. (paraphrased E.J.Gold)

...and then: You grow your soul by doing ant, any art, well expressed in a letter by Kurt Vonnegut to high school students.

True or not - I happen to believe it is true, and as I have been exposed to drawing and watercolor art classes by E.J. Gold - and am being asked to give art classes online - the art road has started.

It really is also a selfish reason: to awaken that part of my soul that grows by doing art. Knowing the total 100% commitment to the animal and the resulting realizations - and knowing from experience that the greatest passages have happened in my life only through that level of intensity, I am not quite sure how that could possibly manifest in my doing art or doing the art classes.

However

Then there is doing art in a group. This has potential I can't possibly really know yet...how can we  know what exactly can happen in a real group .... or rather - THIS group?

Here is my hope and vision:

We start together with pencil and paper and do shading.
we continue
we continue participating
we show up
we start having the willingness to share some of the art made - to share, to inspire, to overcome
we post our experiences on a website.
we continue
we invite others in RL to sit watching the class online and doing art
we invite again
we post some more of our art...and we share experiences
and we continue
we explore
we co-create
we .......
...eventually foster an appreciation for art, it's purpose, and a sense of aesthetic -  to the point where folks want to do art and/or have art in their homes - and would also see the point of attending and bidding at an auction for non-profits - in the spirit of compassion and giving, the spirit of helping.

I do appreciate the difficulty of self initiated participation, and I happen to agree, that if you have to convince people to do this - it is not going to work.
On the other hand, there is this: "I was inpired by .... " or this showed up in my life and I felt drawn to it.
There is - practice and discipline.

Here is an example of something that happened while doing art the other day during the "class":

After an almost sleepless night  trying not to worry - but also knowing the things that might come - I had just come up from the garden where there was one or my sweet buttercup chicken, who I had diagnosed being egg-bound when she went to  roost in the evening, standing still in the dog crate after the first bath I ever gave to a chicken. Being truly egg-bound for a hen -  is a certain death sentence if not treated. She had her first warm bath, one of the things recommended - and then...I had to go to the class - just as well, so it would give here the chance to maybe pass the egg....trying to justify why going to do the art class was ok. (Some folks look at me funny when I say this, or get worried wbout a chicken ...as if we didn't breed chickens to lay eggs almost all year round rather than what would be normal for them - lay a clutch of eggs in the spring - so yes, apart from everything else, we are also responsible - but that is a whole other story)

So then I go to the gorebaggtv station - check the online chat and no one is there .... so, ok, I do the class anyway, maybe someone will show up, I want to honor the commitment and who knows, maybe a miracle will happen and she manages to get that egg out....

I do my scribble, buttercup chicken in mind and start shading. At some point about halfway into it -  there is this: here is this chicken that is going to die if nothing gets done - here I am doing this art class no one is at, teary-eyed, why am I doing this ...and the realization that, even though these chickens are not quite like pets, there are also not "just chickens"  but most of all - it is painful to know she is suffering, it is scary to know what I might have to do - and without help ...and here I am shading doing a class no one is at - this chicken's shading image. And there is love, compassion and commitment and heartache. I know who she is ...even though in the end, looking at the image, others have called her a bear and a mouse. That is ok - such is the nature of shading. I see her. And somehow, this piece of paper and the shading become imbued with something .... - for the lack of a better word - a little bit of soul - and it does acquire life. Maybe you see it, maybe you feel it, maybe you don't. I look at the shading shape/drawing - and I feel her. She is very very sweet. (I am told that I will get a scan of the image by tomorrow - sorry, you can't see it atm).

And so ...the journey of doing art and growing your soul continues...for me, it has barely started. Sometimes I get glimpses of what might be possible .....

Someone did eventually sign into the channel  during this class ....and you know who you are: You know, it was really good that someone did show up in the end. Thank you....it is an example how just showing up and participating can be important There is this lovely sweet piece of shading and - the added presence of someone there - was a gift.
In case you are wondering what happened to the chicken, you can read that here.

I happen to have photographed some paper art yesterday - etchings mostly ...and I am amazed. Etchers were the photographers of a certain past. Amazing.  One of the prints  happens to be of a bird ...this is a detail ...

Can doing art grow a soul? Going on trust and experience in other areas: yes ....
If that is something you are interested in: come join us on gorebaggtv every Friday 10:30 to 11:30 am pt. 
All you need is a pencil and a paper.

Egg Bound Chicken - Initiation

The original version reappeared ...so I am saving it here as I already rewrote it on the chicken site.

Thursday evening ..I noticed one of my sweet Sicilian buttercups, a smaller sized Mediterranean egg laying breed, she had a little bit of a dirty butt ...and there was some skin showing. She also was not running around for food like all the others. I checked her out and ...hm yes, there seemed to be an egg inside. I let her roost to give her a chance to lay early in the morning ...then I hit the internet - egg binding causes, treatment and  - ...... I hardly slept that night ---- worried.
Egg binding is apparently a fairly common condition in egg laying chickens. It can strike at all ages. Here are some supposedly predisposing factors:

• obesity
• malnutrition
• lack of calcium
• egg too big or malformed
• egg retention for some other reason
• infection
• overbreeding
• early laying

As with many conditions - the early bird may catch the worm: OBSERVATION is key. several days into this conditions is not as good as if you catch it within a day or 2....and it IS a death sentence unless you can treat it.
Funny walking, standing around, not eating, suddenly showing dirty butt or visible skin around vent area are all things to get you to investigate.
Calcium is supposed to help. Did I have any liquid calcium on hand? Yes, someone in the house had some liquid calcium supplements. I gave her some on scrambled eggs, later I dropper fed her some since she got smart real quick. Does giving calcium orally make a difference - no idea, but i figured it would not hurt and might possibly help once it got absorbed. The thing is - if the egg is very big and the muscles get stretched to thin - they won't be able to contract. The fibers just won't work any more.
I gave her a warm sitz-bath, gently massaging her belly, put her in a dog crate afterwards. It was warm enough so I did have to worry about blow drying her. While I was hoping the bath helped - I knew she hadn't passed this thing all day yesterday at least, but - sometimes the baths help. You are supposed to repeat ...but others say if it didn't work in an hour or 2, you need to extract it.
I was wondering, in case I would have to manually help her, what is on top, the oviduct or the intestines?...so off to the internet again, looking for chicken anatomy pics.

Location of the reproductive tract in a female chicken. Source: Public domain

Reproductive tract of a female chicken. Source: Jacquie Jacob, University of Kentucky

Ok, so the egg comes out on top....so when palpating into the vent ...the opening for the egg will be up....and it was.

Some folks also mention a liberal use of a lubricant - I had nothing but coconut or olive oil, I chose the coconut oil in case she didn't pass it. I was not gonna hang her upside down just yet, presumably so the lubricant would go all around the egg?. I did end up putting it right on the egg that was showing and on the vent skin.

After a couple of hours, no egg and she was standing forlorn inside the dog crate.

I went to work to

• set up another bath and extra warm and cold water on the side, 
• the coconut oil and 
• gloves, though after cleaning her, I ended up not using them because 

I have better sensitivity in my fingers without them.

I felt inside her - through the vent and could feel the egg, felt the bones on the outside, the abdomen and then - all the while sweet talking to her ...went about to gently work on pushing - periodically applying more coconut oil into the vent opening.

--->>>>> I had previously practiced on an already laid egg how much pressure I could apply and how and have the egg not break. This I found very helpful later!!!!. While I was massaging, stretching and pushing, the sweet girl even tried to push a couple of times during the process. I stretched the vent gently, pushing some more and eventually ...with a scream from her and a small tear and a little bleeding - this egg came out. I showed it to her, she relaxed in my lap and we stayed like that a few minutes. She knew exactly that I had helped her.  This is a tiny hen and the egg was large, or very large, and sort of misshapen. I will crack it at at some point to see what is inside.

The big, slightly odd shaped egg was hers

Mucus membranes got swollen during this process ....I cleaned up the blood and put some more coconut oil on the outside. I can only hope nothing of the intestinal tract or genital tract got torn inside during all that stretching. She rested, standing up drying her feathers most of the afternoon, and I gave her soft foods in the evening.

She came to the front of the brooder/hospital cage the next morning, ate some more soft foods (boiled egg yolk, kefir and starter crumbles) ...but no poop. The back still looked "odd" possibly in part because of the coconut oil.

The next morning

Later I let her out for about an hour while most of the other chickens where elsewhere...and there was a normal poo --oh good, never thought I'd love to see a chicken poop. She walked carefully. Things looked a little swollen still in the back, I didn't feel another egg, but unless she stops laying...there will be more - and with the swelling and tear, we are not out of the woods yet...

Shaking something off ...

I sat on the coop floor for a while and - as is her habit, she flew on my shoulder and then i took her into my lap, preening her ...she fell asleep for a little bit. She ate a little more soft food, but pretty much I kept her inside here box covered for the rest of the day and she settled in a "nest" in the brooder/hospital cage.

Why did she lay such a huge egg? Not sure, maybe it was the big rooster that may have mated with her? The thing about having different sized chicken breeds - it can be hard on the hens if you also have roosters in the mixed flock. I do not know however if that has anything to do the larger egg size.

If I had not been able to pass it - the next step would have been to get someone to help and use a needle and syringe to suck the inside of the egg out, gently collapse the egg hoping no shell fragment pierces anything and hopefully remove it of let it pass. I was praying we didn't have to go there and also that the egg would not break.

She  does not have much meat on her. I can feel the breastbone for sure. Most of my chickens are kind of skinny - and buttercups are considered "light" chickens. It seems I do give them enough food for the fact that they  and they free range all day long - but they are skinny - and egg binding is supposed to be, if anything, a thing of obese chickens. There is NOTHING obese in this one. Could be I need to feed them more, but if there had been any fat there at all, not sure this egg would have passed.

Layer feed should provide enough calcium plus they also get all their egg shells as part of the kitchen scraps. The thing is, when muscles are stretched beyond a certain limit...they loose the ability to contract, no matter how much calcium you have. That egg was too big for her.

I read that sometimes - or maybe often, it will be a recurring problem. If taking your chicken to a vet is an option, there are things to consider

• Calcium shots -  to help the egg shell harden, help with muscles allowing the hen to hopefully pass the egg
• Lupron shots to stop hens from ovulating
• Spaying your hen as a permanent solution

We'll see how it goes.
I did Karma Burn runs for her (the only orb I use form the urthgame site), which works like a prayer for me and also called in spirit guides to help with a chant taught to me by a shaman a long long time ago - and after that, when a vet is not an option - do your best and then it is: let go let god.
I looked into her eyes often enough, and told her I loved her. No matter what - that always stays.
So grateful the egg came out and grateful it didn't break.
I am glad she is eating, though carefully. She has pooped - YAY. I didn't see any redness around her vent - good. Hopefully she won't have to lay another egg till at least another day...

You can read of the further outcome on this page here: at chicks  and weeds - actually - she recovered and ..thought not many, is still laying.

Energy, passion and the suffering of others

This morning  I watched a video someone had posted - some dance routine with singing in some not so pretty but ok New York City streets - the people in it young and full of energy, living the life.

Energy and passion - and having a good life, whatever that meant to you - yes, that is what it is all about ...and I watched this video and was caught in between a mood of YES, and celebration ...and the pain of knowing that what I saw was paid for by the lives of animals and plants and the destruction of the planet. Mostly likely those folks didn't know any better, and maybe some did. But as a culture - all the creativity is painted against the backdrop of destruction of the very basis that made it possible.

In the meantime, in some far away corner of the world, a hen is sitting on eggs hatching new life.

Is the confinement and pain of billions of creatures worth the joi de vivre of some humans?

If we are all here temporarily in the dream - then what does it matter as long as we learned what we needed to learn?

We do what we must - but I still say - tread gently...and bring to bear in this present moment all the attention and presence you can.

Attention and Presence

This morning I spent some time in front of a nest box observing the mama hen and the chicks that hatched within the last 24 hours. Life is amazing, wants to burst forth everywhere - never knowing or needing to know what fate lies ahead. Life Life everywhere - and I realize - all this world going on with 7 billion people and in this tiny corner a hen is hatching some chicks, and not much is more important to her then protecting them and teaching them .... just like a lady bug was trying to make it to another part of the flower.

It all comes to live with attention and presence in a way that makes you realize LIFE and LOVE. I have no words to describe it. And so it goes on everywhere. Attention, Presence and allowing to it to be

- and then I recall something that has come to my mind many times lately, something I heard from what turned out to be my fist spiritual teacher. He was talking about saplings and being a caretaker of a land. In the process of care-taking and keeping the all healthy and balanced - not all the saplings can be allowedd to live. You MUST choose, and choose the strong and healthy ones, the ones who can do well, the ones who have some room - it is part of care taking. This has become relevant lately - as I realize the life force flowing though all ... - all the grasses and bugs and everything, including a number of baby walnut trees growing where they really have no business growing, where they will kill the other plants that are there now - it will just be a matter of time - and i am having trouble cutting them. transplanting will give them some chance, although they don't seem to transplant well, and I am running out of room. So at some point, some have to go.

Having had to deal with dealing with too many roosters, having to consider the issue of rodents, the principle of harmony and balance come to mind over and over....and in the course of time, not all life, not all ideas, not all plans can live out their potential. But for that individual plant - if you are there with presence and attention - life will end - it will die to this world - there will be a death.

At this time I take comfort that it was seen, noticed and loved.

I understand much better now why it was such a big deal back then - about the care taking and the saplings - because it is a big deal to take a life....as much as  you want to think it really isn't.

There is another story Tom Brown told us (that will be in another post) that I finally understood when I started working with animals - realizing the sacredness of life - and each living thing.

Looking at those cute, brand new baby chicks this morning I am reminded of the pre-programmed nature of them AND can see consciousness looking back at me through their little baby eyes. Being Attention and Presence is all that matters - and waking up really IS all important.

It is in moments of just being there, looking and listening that the secrets are revealed and a mysterious wonder and spacious peace leaves me without words. But the instruction of treading gently upon this world, and loving all you can - makes a lot of sense.

Free online Art - Classes Fridays 10:30am

Hello again

Going with the theme of growing your soul, we begin "doing art" with simple tools of pencil and paper during the

Free online art classes Fridays 10:30 am PT
on http://www.justin.tv/gorebaggtv

All are welcome - let's explore

Namaste

Invitation

"Pencil Magic"



Poem: "Where is my Beloved Tonight? A Sanctuary Bestowed From a Vast Cool Height." Poet known & unknown
Art: "A Different Kind Of Voyage" Graphite Drawing on Paper CWolters 2008

Art Classes - still looking for a time ....

Opening a door to a possibility, an opportunity for participation: Let's have some fun growing our souls :) - please see this letter by Kurt Vonnegut to shed some light on this or the post on Art makes your Soul grow


I hope you could make it  - and continue to explore
For the moment, and the next few weeks, you will still only need a pencil, a sharpener and paper. There is much magic to emerge with just those simple tools.

It seems that for me it is time to open up the part of Being that grows by doing art. Our online art class on Easter Friday worked well enough. I reviewed the archive and can see where I can make some improvements for the next class.
This window is open - I hope you will join in.

You are welcome and  invited to come to this class and  grow your soul some more.

There is an aspect to this class that is aligned with group work. It takes a little team to actually make it possible to transmit this online - and it takes YOU to be there to make this class something I can't find the right works for atm. A group adventure aligned with the work we are doing.
Real roup work is the hardest thing  to do ....say someone  (me) who really is a hermit at heart.

Here are some glimpses of  a workshop I am listening to online as I am writing: E.J. Gold on another project: "You have to learn to cooperate, work with the process ..... participate. ..... This is a form of investment - and there is benefit for you ...."  Sounds good and true.

Namaste
and have a great day

Poetry & Animals to awaken the soul

Most recently inspired by Kurt Vonnegut - specifically his words to some high school students - and gnosticman and the poet's reading circle in the Prosperity Virtual Ashram .... am starting to write things that rhyme - though my command of the language might not be sublime :)

Maybe it really will grow the soul - just another part of it in another way from the one you awake when you really love an animal.

For those who may not know the animal reference here it is - I share it because it is true:

Until one has loved an animal, a part of one’s soul remains unawakened.
– Anatole France


Do art - keep doing it - Love an animal - really ... heart emoticon here :)

Kurt Vonnegut letter to high school - inspiring

In 2006, a group of students at Xavier High School in New York City were given an assignment by their English teacher, Ms. Lockwood, that was to test their persuasive writing skills: they were asked to write to their favorite author and ask him or her to visit the school. Some of the students chose
Kurt Vonnegut. He was the only one to reply - and it is an inspiring letter. He died  April 11, 2007. With much gratitude to all involved, there is the text:

November 5, 2006

Dear Xavier High School, and Ms. Lockwood, and Messrs Perin, McFeely, Batten, Maurer and Congiusta:

I thank you for your friendly letters. You sure know how to cheer up a really old geezer (84) in his sunset years. I don't make public appearances any more because I now resemble nothing so much as an iguana.

What I had to say to you, moreover, would not take long, to wit: Practice any art, music, singing, dancing, acting, drawing, painting, sculpting, poetry, fiction, essays, reportage, no matter how well or badly, not to get money and fame, but to experience becoming, to find out what's inside you, to make your soul grow.

Seriously! I mean starting right now, do art and do it for the rest of your lives. Draw a funny or nice picture of Ms. Lockwood, and give it to her. Dance home after school, and sing in the shower and on and on. Make a face in your mashed potatoes. Pretend you're Count Dracula.

Here's an assignment for tonight, and I hope Ms. Lockwood will flunk you if you don't do it: Write a six line poem, about anything, but rhymed. No fair tennis without a net. Make it as good as you possibly can. But don't tell anybody what you're doing. Don't show it or recite it to anybody, not even your girlfriend or parents or whatever, or Ms. Lockwood. OK?

Tear it up into teeny-weeny pieces, and discard them into widely separated trash recepticals. You will find that you have already been gloriously rewarded for your poem. You have experienced becoming, learned a lot more about what's inside you, and you have made your soul grow.

God bless you all!

Kurt Vonnegut

Now do some art

Addendum May 7, 2014

Hello again

Going with the theme of growing your soul, we begin "doing art" with the simple tools of pencil and paper during the

Free online art classes Fridays 10:30 am 
on http://www.justin.tv/gorebaggtv

All are welcome - let's explore

Namaste

Art makes your soul grow

The other day I saw a facebook share, a response letter of Kurt Vonnegut (see it here) to high School students - I found his words very  inspiring. It reminded me  of a quote I read by E.J. Gold, and this is probably paraphrased a little: "The purpose of a human being anywhere at any time is to grow a soul".

I don't consider myself an "artist" - and when you are surrounded by many good ones - even less so. However, there is something about doing art (and music) that seems to be invaluable to the Self...and I always feel it was a good thing to have done it when I take the time.

So keep coming back to it, as this coming Easter Friday, 2 days from now from 10 am to 12 noon.:

There is a free art class - "Pencil Magic"  on gorebaggtv - bring your children and family and friends - Easter Friday, April 18, 10 am PST till noon.

Where? here - >>>> gorebaggtv http://www.justin.tv/gorebaggtv
All the materials you need you probably already have in the house:

• some pieces of paper, 
• a soft pencil 
• and a pencil sharpener.

A number 9B pencil is best - and there is still time to get one ...or several :) it saves on the sharpening interruptions.

Looking forward to doing some Art again with you - to becoming a little more - to grow our soul.

This class draws on the material presented in the DRAW GOOD NOW series.

Here is a fun video of student works the first time - House and Tree. (we won't be doing THAT one on Friday)

The Purpose of Life

A long time ago, while doing a pediatric elective at John's Hopkins in Baltimore, I met a fellow student there - and he asked me what the meaning of life was - no idea what brought that on, though I am kinda weird with interest in such things or maybe he was  thinking I'd have some smart answer, being from Germany and educated differently? He said, mentioning something about Kant, that everyone has to give their life its own meaning. I did not know what the meaning of life was, except, the meaning of my life was: to learn to Love. ..... and I meant REALLY love - not any of the things commonly called "LOVE". I was 28 when I realized this.  It  has not changed - only that a few years later, there were a few  sub-goal and the realization that awakening is major part of that path - the Learning to Love.

Today I would say that your ability to love relates directly to the degree of your awakeness - and presence - and there are many levels of awakening. I almost don't count some peak experiences triggered by outside forces. Real transformation happens from the inside, through realizations and ahas. It is sometimes funny to realize who you were...looking back ....wow.

We all come from somewhere as humans, and presumably our soul-human combination is as it is because of an affinity - consciousness manifested....and soul flaws highlighted for those not yet perfected.

Someone slick and socially groomed may give the impression of being way more evolved - when in fact - that may have absolutely nothing to do with any degree of awareness, awakeness or Love.
Living in some kind of lala land never having faced one's own dark side - can't truly Love from that place.

But I digress - so back to the purpose of life. I asked someone at a party once what the purpose of her life was. The answer was clear and straight: To be a mother.  And she was a mother and she was good at it - her 4 kids grown up ...but she was still being a mother. Loving to her would always mean something different than what I was looking for - and yet, when she dies - she would die knowing she had fulfilled her life's purpose....or so I think.

I find learning to love - very challening, especially when it comes to loving humans. I mean, let's face it: babies are amazing, children are too and I have loved being with them since I was 12 years old - at which point I started wondering what LOVE means. I was willing to give my arm if need be for my 9 month old cousin - and I concluded: This must mean  that I loved her - which I did - only today, I am not that selfless, at least I hope I never get tested like that - and then there are those who have hurt you in ways you can't imagine, and then there is that Hoʻoponopono prayer, and Byron Katie and a bunch of other paths that pretty much say something like this: it is all a reflection of you. YOU are always responsible.

This is - challenging and requires an expansion of the YOU that is talked about - the SELF that is meant.

And pretty soon we are into the mystery section of any path - trying to get to the real "reality".

I always loved nature, and animals - but until 2010, I had not realized the truth of this:

Until one has loved an animal, a part of one’s soul remains unawakened.
– Anatole France

One of the hardest parts is recognizing and tolerating the extreme limitation one finds oneself in in this body-mind - especially when really wounded very early on.  We all do the best we can with what we got - and even if not - to realize the beyond imagination limitlessness while grounded in this body - is like - mind boggling. Eventually sayings of saints and sages - make sense - or rather: are recognized as truth because you KNOW.

So then there is that loving again, and the heart and consciousness and electromagnetic fields and vibration and energy...and this precious human incarnation when you want to walk gently everywhere....alas .... you know what I mean.

So back to loving - and listening to your heart - and the silent pull to what you love .... and what is that, for me today, this week, in these years?

And there is a thing on that list that is incompatible with what I am committed to presently.

This is a dilemma - I need a year off - or at least a couple of months. At the same time, it is: you don't just take off from your motherhood either.

There can be a huge difference between realization and manifestation when the alchemical transformation had not yet completed. While purpose and temperament differ - mean-ness, vindictiveness, blaming, selfishness - you get the drift  - are parts to accept and embrace, but they are not a higher state of beingness...of true presence, attention and love.

All this rambling to get to; what is it that I - this particular bodymindsoul - truly love, love to do and to be...and how much am I doing and being that where I am in my life? And is there any part - that I should be doing but that cannot be accomplished here? And what is it  that I could already be doing where I am but that I am not? And how much is what I love - related to the purpose of my life?

So there.

One thing that is coming to the forefront is this: taking care of self  - and with love.

Here is another take on the meaning of life - the Secret of Life whatever it may be - I can't tell

The Secret is there .....

What we Love

 This is the longer version, for the short(er) one, please go here: What we Love on Lov3
 My point really is to somehow get you to watch the video (see below) with awareness and Love.

Just a few minutes ago I marveled at the human body – watching a dance performance on youtube – at the same time aware of how the amazing technology of today has made possible for everyone everywhere to partake in communities, culture, beauty and wonder like at no other time in recent history – and that there is a side to humans that is truly amazing. Whether you love poetry enough that you would not want to live without it, or film, art, pottery, sports, dance or architecture, love good music or marvel at the amazing technology giving someone who needs it a 3D printed new skull – whether you just love love love your family, your friends or superbowl or the exploration of space in true science – or just love LIFE – consider this:
“Simply replanting trees, is not replanting communities.”

In the Zen Garden

Yes, as much as we come together in groups, for communities, mutually supportive in when they work together … including the sangha of your spiritual path – consider what is said is this beautiful short film (just down below)

Maybe this IS the peak of human achievement we are experiencing at this time - and maybe the ONLY time  in history of this planet EVER for events like healing circles in the Prosperity Ashram  to be able to happen – because of the technology available to us today (oh – you too  can request a healing  at the Prosperity Path Forum here)

Our relatives, our family – Love – manifested – in the spirit of gratitude – for the Love of our earthly home. Without “nature” – flowers, trees, grasses, bubbling brooks, sound of ocean waves – and animals of all kinds – like the many songbirds in the spring – I would not even still be here.

I – the human and its resident soul -  owe nature any life  or worthwhile activity I can do today … and I love her – in all her beauty beyond words and AWESOMENESS – from gently spring rain,  to the blade of grass or little bug right here in front of me – I have been blessed. Then, if you you add the exploration made possible by technology …beyond words – and then, once you relearn even a little bit of high sense perception – wow – and without her – you’d not do or feel any of what YOU love.

Being in nature – there is love – it is simply there.

In the end, it really is all about waking up and learning how to move, about wonder and gratitude - for what in some tradition is called: the precious human birth. To view the destruction of  nature happening now with impartiality is difficult. It is what is happening however.

But this site is about what we love …and I love this earth home – I love nature – the birds and the bees and all that.

This is a good video – I do hope you watch it. I agree with the narrator:  the earth will regenerate, re-green – we don’t have to be part of it.
….. and Love is going to bring forth another form that recognizes it – self as that.

Namaste and Be Blessed 

Free Art Class - gorebaggTV Friday Easter 2014

This morning I asked if the Art Class I am scheduled to give Friday before Easter and which is transmitted live could be opened  to kids everywhere for free and be live on  gorebaggtv.

And the answer is: YES,  and not only to kids, but the art class is now open to everyone. So
here we go:

FREE ART CLASS Friday before Easter at 10am - noon - gorebaggtv.
You do not have to participate in the Easter Workshop to come to the art class ...
and of course you can bring friends too.

This Art Class will NOT be  involving any eggs :) - but it WILL be involving pencil magic :)
I also will address it to children of all sizes, which may include any inner children.

Most likely you already have in the house what you will need in materials:.

• a soft pencil (9 B is best)
• a pencil sharpener
• blank sheets of plain white or whitish paper

and, provided we all have a working internet connection -> go here Gorebaggtv for Art class

on: Friday, April 18 2014 at 10am. Class will end at noon.

You do NOT need to have an account on Justin TV to see the class and participate - but you do need an account if you wish to comment or show your work online in the chat
Accounts are free.
Erasers are also  not needed, and are in fact prohibited :)

Of all my scanned drawings - this is the only format this current computer could open ...oh well then

Bardo Dream - Taking Refuge