July 8, 2014 - the day I went for an appointment with the endodontist - to have a (dreaded) root canal done. Nothing outwardly wrong with the tooth, but lucency on the x-rays almost to the pulp - the nerve. ..and this off an on nagging "pressure" in the gum/jaw - i knew something was going on there. I had read up on root canals and the various opinions - the whole root canal pros and cons. I had changed my diet to include bioavailable calcium and other minerals, stopped eating anything with sugar (pretty much) and am working with my guides - and have been talking to my tooth and the nerve....preparing myself for this "root canal" .
They test it and ...the nerve is alive and reacts normally. I later talk to the endodontist - a very nice man and one of the best they say. I would like to get an indirect pulp cap ....but he thinks the tooth is too far gone. I see him mark the tooth on the scan with the line - but I have hope till the end. ...breathing through the injection, getting numb - I return to gratitude - for this tooth and the nerves who have serves so well, for the guides i am working with, I called them days ago and for the first time, did not close the window ...asking them to stay with me through this process I seem to be going through - of which this root canal is a part of.
A new level of loving and becoming - it is time - it is necessary - I MUST do it - and this "tooth" thing is part of it.
But here I am in the chair ...sensing and remembering that I chose to trust - that that which is best for the benefit of all beings will happen - one way or the other. I was able to bring it up with the endodontist - who understood (a little) but truly feels that the tooth structure is too far gone (too close to the pulp) for this to be anything other than a root canal. I do this prayer for my tooth: I love you, I am sorry, Please forgive me and Thank you ...but mostly -- I love you and I am sorry. There is a very faint sensation - and I know then he killed it. I knew it, felt it - grateful for the numbing medicine. they finish up. Later he says the tooth had a crack and that might have been how things were able to get inside. Still in the chair, he askes: how are you doing - I can't answer, one tear rolling down from my right eye.
In my meditations in the days prior to this - I tried a few things with my tooth and jaw - with interesting and encouraging results. I have to trust that in the end, this is for the best, that an indirect pulp cap would have, in the long run, been the worse choice to make - or simply ill advised. (and no, implant is not what i wanted). It is difficult for me - that the nerve was still alive and (supposedly) had to get killed - and the root canal done....everything else would have been too much out of the norm ... However - as in any situation - I tried to do the best I could and - may what needs to happen be for the benefit of all beings everywhere - may that which needs to happen be the best way to serve.
I learned - or rather - realizations happen
- there is this: these nerve cells, the blood vessel cells, the dental cells - all cells - carry the entire blueprint of a human - the DNA carries the entire blueprint of our ancestry on this planet. Every single cell - they are alive and - there is consciousness there ....Every cell is doing their job the best they can under the circumstances they find themselves in - the food we give them, the care we give them - and the love - or non-loving states they have to deal with - every day - all our lives. If all that is - is holographic ... wow ....nothing ever should die not having been loved. Most of our cells came here, did what they had to do ....then they died, having served - lived - done what they came here to do the best way possible.
Loving them - changes it all - for them, for the divine, for us.
I can't tell you how, why - but loving changes it, life and them ....something in you respects, comes into relational contact with cells or organs in this body you both inhabit and are.
These cells do have a life of their own in the universe of the body - and something changes when you tell them - I love you and Thank you. You are their angel, their caretaker, their guide - and once you realize that - there is a level of responsibility to them - that had nothing to do with you wanting a better life or be more beautiful or some other such thing.
I have had some loving sessions with my heart recently - when nightly the
arrhythmias got kind of scary. Now with a tooth .....and the place I got to was true - I love that tooth - and I loved that nerve and what it did all its life - and in the end - warn me that something was off. It may seem a little crazy to some ...
LOVE
every cell in your body -
no matter how well or imperfectly it is functioning.
When facing medical conditions - Invoke your guides - your highest vision or mantra - and then trust that the help you need is there - for the benefit of all beings. What you need is there. When sincere - peace will come....and I cannot tell you how much it meant to know and have told that tooth and its nerve - that I love them. It didn't get killed unloved - and for me - that simply means something important at this point in my process - and I can't even put my finger on it - it made the difference in coping with this root canal that is meaningful to me.
Simply love every single cell and organ in your body.
Since I am new to this - it might take some
acquainting myself with what that actually means.
There is a lot to ask forgiveness for, a lot to thank for - and when I say I am sorry - it is true.
Again, as it was with
Blacky - the rooster: you only have right now, this moment.. Our bodies serve us - to help us wake up, love deeper, grow.
Presence - Attention - Love - Gratitude - Grace - Compassion - and miraculous healing - may it be so - for spirit is senior to matter - and miracles can happen - if only we can believe.
I feel like I am at the threshold to some new level - can't quite tell to where ...
Happens to be at the 30 minute sun-gazing mark - though I am not following the protocol precisely.
For the benefit of all beings everywhere - wishing you all healing necessary for your journey.
Related links
what-am-i-doing-with-all-these-chickens?
When doing the figure ground exercise (see Draw Good Now series if you missed the instruction during the classes - but if you are new, it will be reviewed on gorebaggtv - just let me know in the chat) there are many ways to do the 'scribble' and we will be using large, medium and small scribbles. It does not matter that much, what matters more is whether or not you will scribble across the border you drew initially.